


As We Grow Older

by siriusblackfanclub



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A sprinkling of angst, But Not Much, Christmas Fluff, Cuddling, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friendship, Getting Together, Halloween, High School AU, How Do I Tag, Idiots in Love, James and Sirius are brotp, Light Smut, M/M, Modern AU, Nerd!Remus, New Year's Eve, Parties, Secret Santa, Swimmer!Sirius, cute smut, no magic, petnames, they're so cute I can't, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23963251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriusblackfanclub/pseuds/siriusblackfanclub
Summary: The marauders are the most popular people at Hogwarts High, everyone wants to be like them. But Remus finds this hard to enjoy when he's hopelessly in love with his best friend.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald/Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer's over and the gang are back together again, what could go wrong?

Summer had come and gone. Days bled into nights and sun bled into stars as September rapidly approached. It had been warm and peaceful, quiet in the way that vibrant flowers grew over green fields, given shade by the confident trees and given life from the minimalistic designs of watering cans and the green-thumbs holding them; but thrilling in the way that rollercoasters flew through the sky, friends laughing loud and hard as they made memories they would never forget. 

Remus Lupin appreciated the first much more, as he sat in his garden, book in hand, trying to enjoy the last few hours of his summer holiday.

This is, no doubt, in stark contrast to his friends. James Potter had bought a season pass to theme parks all around the country that his family had driven between for the entire month of July, stopping at Lily Evans’s holiday cabin any chance he got. Peter Pettigrew had enjoyed concert after concert, dragging his friends to a few and his presumably unrequited crush Mary MacDonald to most. He’d even heard of all about Marlene and Dorcas’ trip to Spain, a trip that they’d been practically begging their parents to pay towards and labelled as a ‘celebration’ of their grades the school year prior.

Then there was Sirius Black. Leather jackets and muscle t-shits, dark hair falling past his shoulders or loosely tied up in a bun that would come tumbling down minutes later. Brown eyes and perfect lips, spread over his face in a perfect grin that was usually accompanied by a hand clutching at his toned chest. He’d spent his time quite evenly between the three boys, thrill-seeking with James and his family, third-wheeling Peter and Mary and annoying every one of Remus’s neighbours with his antics. There was never a quiet moment in his summer, which was to be expected by the school’s most beloved trouble maker. All four of them were regarded as such, but Remus had always thought that Sirius was the main reason for their popularity. 

He was also hopelessly in love with him.

Of course, this isn’t at all surprising. Most, if not all of the girls at Hogwarts High fawned over Sirius’s impossible good looks, his charm and flirty remarks, his laid-back, cool stance. Love letters flooded his locker and every one of his selfies got hundreds, if not thousands of likes and comments. He was certainly no stranger to the shallow pining, but Remus Lupin was a boy. A bisexual boy that wasn’t out to anyone. And he didn’t just like Sirius for his looks. That was definitely a bonus, something to make him swoon pathetically, but Remus saw much deeper than that. He loved his sense of humour, his laugh that could light up an entire room. He loved his personality, outgoing and confident but caring and gentle in the right company. He loved the way that his face portrayed every single emotion with such depth, and that his heart was worn on his sleeves. He loved everything about Sirius, but he couldn’t possibly tell him.

“Remus, honey, tea’s ready.” His mum called from the back doorstep. “Come in before it gets cold.”

Essentially, he was fucked.

~~

Sirius Black woke up to the piercing sound of his parent’s shouting at him and Regulus to “ _get the fuck out of bed_ ” and “ _stop being so fucking lazy_ ”. He could tell they were more aimed at him than his little brother, which filled him with both relief and dread. He was grateful that swim training didn’t start again until next week, considering how awful this was at 8, he definitely couldn’t handle the same at 5:30. A muffled groan escaped from his lips as he rolled over, feet twisted in his silk sheets and a hand carding through his hair. It was finally September, after 6 excruciating weeks of blinding sun, and school was starting again. Not that he didn’t appreciate the rest, its just the only thing he truly enjoyed about it was the thing he had the least of: his friends.

He’d spent as much time as humanly possible out of his house and away from his dear parents, but nothing could ever be quite enough. They’d been shouting a lot more recently, at him and each other, occasionally even Regulus, and his ears ached with the shrill voice of his mother and booming sound of his father. They weren’t even his mother and father, not really, that title would go to the Potters, whose house he promptly arrived at after he’d spent a good 20 minutes under the hot spray of his shower. He hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye as he marched out of his door with as much pride as he could muster, practically none of which was genuine.

“Pads! I was actually starting to think you weren’t gonna show,” James announced as he greeted his friend with a tight hug, as if he hadn’t seen him just the day before.

“Couldn’t miss the first day of school, could I? I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

“Sure you do, mate”

He punched James lightly in the shoulder as the two of them laughed away any inhibitions they’d had about the first day of school. The two took their seats at the breakfast bar as Mrs Potter placed plates of toast and fruit, always reminding her boys to stay healthy. She’d cut Sirius’s toast into 4 small triangles, exactly how he liked it, and they both ate as quickly as possible, excited for the year ahead.

“You boys better get going if you want to make it before second bell, I’d rather not have to deal with that on your record” The kind voice of Mrs Potter sang through the room. A voice that made him feel safe, like this was his home.

“Mum’s right, bet Moony’ll go mad if we’re late again” James added and finished with a kiss to Mrs Potter’s cheek. “Him and Peter are probably there already.”

He couldn’t wait to see Remus again. And Peter. And the girls.

“Well don’t just stand there Prongs, we have shit to start!”

“Language.”

“Sorry Mrs Potter.”

~~

Remus’ stomach flipped and churned as he saw Sirius approach their table, James strutting by his side. _He’s your best friend. Get a grip_. He watched James’s eyes go right towards the head of red hair beside him, freckles dotted all over her face and arms and jeans cuffed above her ankles. Prongs had been not-so-subtly crushing on Lily for a few years now, and it was getting quite depressing to watch. Remus had suspected for a while that she did in fact have feelings for James, but it wasn’t really his place to comment. Besides, she’d most likely be too obstinate to admit it even if she did. Across from him, Mary, Marlene and Dorcas were excitedly discussing their holidays, the latter two occasionally pulling each other close and sharing a few kisses. They’d been dating for almost a year, and needless to say everyone in the school shipped them. Someone had even made them a fan account, which Marlene had admittedly found a little creepy, but Dorcas adored.

“Moons! Is that a haircut I see? It suits you,” Sirius said matter-of-factly, taking the seat the other side of Remus, obviously growing bored of James’s childish pining. 

He’s your best friend. Best friends compliment each other. “Wouldn’t take you as one to notice, Pads.” _What? What does that even mean?_

“Well, I did” he replied, before pulling out his phone and opening Instagram, mindlessly scrolling through and liking every other post. Sirius was one of those people who documented his entire life on social media, to the point where at any given moment the entire school knew where he was and what he was doing.

A few moments passed, everyone exchanging fun stories, laughing at Peter’s animated retellings, smiling as Marlene laid her dead on her girlfriend’s shoulder when she recounted care-free nights. He’d missed this, and he could tell Sirius had too.

They still had ten minutes until first bell, and they would all go to their first classes of the year. Remus had decided to take chemistry this year, a decision that he now deeply regretted after the amount of summer homework Professor Slughorn had given him, a decision that was definitely not made in the first place so that he’d be in more classes with Sirius. Definitely not.

Usually on an occasion such as important as this, the 8 of them would pull a prank. He secretly lived for those moments, and had spent all summer planning some more intricate ideas. He was elated when Lily suddenly spoke, as confidently as ever.

“Not that I don’t love hearing about all of your lovely holidays spent far away from your bitchy sisters and their loser boyfriends,” at that everyone nodded sympathetically, “but I’m in the mood to cause some trouble.”

“And how exactly would we do that?” James questioned.

Sirius chirped in, raising his eyebrows, “I think I might have an idea.”

And that’s how Remus Lupin ended up counting down loudly with his friends, gaining strange looks from the rest of the canteen as James held five Mentos above a bottle of Diet Coke, both from Peter’s bag, that they would drop as they got to one. Sirius shook with laughter from his left, joining in with the countdown and leaning far too close to the bottle to ensure him safety from the explosion that was to come. Remus followed him as he leant further forward, silently vowing to follow Sirius wherever he went. The numbers they shouted got smaller and smaller, and the two boys got closer and closer. He looked over to his left and saw that Sirius had suddenly jumped far back, and before he could question it the bottle erupted right into his scarred face.

The entire canteen erupted in laughter, including the boy behind him which quickly made Remus forget all about the state of his shirt and jeans. He would do anything to make Sirius happy.

“Mr Lupin, I’m sure there’s you have an explanation for this,” They were quickly brought back to reality by the stern, Scottish drawl of Professor McGonagall. “And I’m sure it involves Mr Potter and Mr Black being their usual selves, yes?”

“You’ve got it Minnie.” Sirius chuckled, earning himself and everyone else a lunch detention.

James jumped on the opportunity to plead with her for a lighter punishment, only to be waved away non-commitedly. Lily sank into James’s side, defeated and slightly annoyed but amused nonetheless. Sirius bumped his shoulder to Remus’s, their faces only inches apart as a beautiful smirk settled itself on the first boy’s face. If Sirius noticed the deep blush that spread over the his friend’s face and neck, he didn’t say anything.

Maybe detention wasn’t so bad if he could have that smirk directed at him.

 _Stop fooling yourself, Remus. He’s straight. He doesn’t like you_.

 _Maybe not_ , he thought. But I might as well appreciate what I can while it lasts.

~~

Detention went for the most part as expected: Sirius and James throwing paper planes at each other from opposite ends of the room, Lily doodling on a spare piece of paper on her desk, Marlene and Dorcas eye-fucking for the entire hour. But Remus’s mind replayed the same thought, over and over and over again as his fingers absentmindedly drummed on his desk.

Sirius had given him his shirt. 

To anyone else, this information would mean absolutely nothing. He always kept a spare one in his bag for after swimming and had offered it to his friend to wear now that his was soaked through. It was fairly big on him, as Sirius was more built, and a few inches taller. It hung off of his shoulders nicely, and felt so comfortable. So natural. What wasn’t comfortable, nor natural, was Remus’s reaction. His eyes had widened comically as his heart imploded right there on the spot, and so Sirius had just placed the shirt simply into his shaking hands and stalked away to share a laugh with James and Peter, leaving a lovestruck Remus in his wake. 

Professor McGonagall left the detention room to run a few errands, and it was suspiciously tame considering the company. Why she would ever trust the marauders alone in a confined space would be a mystery to most. Remus and Lily had turned around in their seats to gossip with James and Sirius, mainly pointless topics to pass the time. 

“All I’m saying is, Dumbledore and McGonagall are definitely fucking.” James stated, arms in the air smugly. 

“Absolutely no way, I won’t accept it!” Lily laughed along with him. 

“You’re girlfriends right, Prongsie,” Sirius began, getting loud protests from both parties, “If anyone is fucking, it’s Dumbledore and Hagrid.”

Remus’s breath hitched, but he was proud in how quickly he recovered and replied with, “Fair point, but McGonagall and Pomfrey must be considered, don’t you think?”

The room erupted in laughter, Marlene and Dorcas vocalising their agreement with him and clasping him on the back.

“Dumbledore and McGonagall are the most perfect example of solidarity my gay ass has ever witnessed.” One of them said, causing everyone to laugh harder.

“Fucking Preach!” Sirius hollered, folding his paper aeroplane into a ball and throwing it into the air, which was then caught by James and hurled towards the bin with a soft ‘Lebron James’. The paper, unsurprisingly, missed it’s target which served as Lily’s cue to make fun of him even more than she was already.

“I’d like to see you try, Evans” 

“You’re on Potter.” She sneered, folding her own piece of paper and throwing it towards the same bin that James had aimed for, the only difference being that hers landed perfectly. Remus held out his hand for Lily to high five, and Sirius praised her loudly. She bit her lip happily, eyes trained on James before she spoke.

“Better not underestimate me again, Potter.”

“Oh, I won’t.”

With that, Remus settled back into his chair, and took another look at the brown-eyed boy that he couldn’t get out of his head, who had calmed down a little and was now, once again, scrolling through his phone. His hair fell into his face delightfully and Remus leaned back on his chair and he admired it quietly. He hadn’t even realised how dangerously far back he had leaned, before his back hit the floor with a thud and he groaned in pain. Once again the room was laughing and Sirius wore that smile that Remus loved so much.

This was going to be a hard year.

~~

“Oi, knobhead, pass the salt would you?”

“Manners, James.” Sirius countered cheekily.

“Oi, knobhead, pass the salt, please.”

The next few days had passed uneventfully, if Sirius was any judge. He’d fallen into the comfortable routine of pissing about at school, pissing about at the park and then pissing about at the Potter’s, never going to his own house until it was absolutely necessary. At first, a few years ago, he’d felt insecure that he was mooching off of people too kind to know any better, but those thoughts had quickly dissolved. 

Mrs Potter smiled and looked between the two boys, elated that she could care for both of them. She’d never wanted to have an only child, but her and her husband had decided that it was for the best, which did nothing to stop the satisfaction that came with taking Sirius in as her own.

“Are you excited to start training again, Sirius? Do you need me to drive you anywhere?” She questioned politely, silently hoping he says yes.

“Of course I am,” He replied, mouth full of food. “And I’m afraid I have to decline your offer, as great as it is. My father insists being my personal taxi when it comes to swimming.”

Mrs Potter nodded her head quietly, not realising the emotion in his voice that was masked by the potatoes he continued to stuff into his mouth. Sirius would be happy to be back with his team, in the water, racing again. It was his sense of normality, his clutch when his confusion got too much to handle. He was hoping that he could get his friends to see a few galas this year, especially the tawny haired boy that he couldn’t recall had ever seen him in the water.

After they’d eaten, James and Sirius stood over the sink after promising that they’d wash the dishes, a promise that they now realised was perhaps not the best idea. James, sponge in hand, had been scrubbing at the same spot for what felt like hours.

“How do you actually feel about swimming, Pads?”

“I love it, of course I do,” Sirius began. “Why would you even have to ask that, mate?

James gently put down his plate, still somehow dirty, and turned to face his friend. He gave him a look, that look that says ‘that’s absolute bullshit, but I’m gonna let you tell me in your own time.’ That look.

“Well, my parents are a big part of it. My dad’s the only reason I started in the first place, but I do actually enjoy it. It’s more than them now.” Sirius admitted truthfully.

“You would tell us if you didn’t want to go back, wouldn’t you?” James was always the mother hen of the group, taking care of everybody else. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Sirius sighed, muttered an agreement and picked up the plate that James was just working on, desperately scrubbing just as hard as the other boy was. It was almost visible how his walls had gone up, a blockade of ice that froze over whenever his parents were brought into conversation.

“Pass me that plate, I’m just gonna put it away and hope mum doesn’t notice.” James said.

“Dick.”

“Git.”

“You love me,”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

They both smiled, the first genuine smile of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I can this is going to be fun to write. It's probably going to end up being 10-15 chapters long, so stay posted for more to come. :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is having some trouble in school, so he enlists the help of a friend.

Sirius stood on the blocks, heart beating fast, legs threatening to give out at any moment. His arms gripped the block tighter, steadying his nerves as he let out a long breath. Thoughts spiralled chaotically in his head, impossible to ignore as they built in strength and severity. 

_Is my cap on tight enough?  
Don’t go too soon.  
Don’t go too late.  
I have to win. Dad’ll go mad if I don’t win.  
I have to make him proud._

_I don’t give a shit whether I make him proud or not._

“Mr Black,”

_Don’t breathe on breakout.  
Don’t breathe at all.  
You need to get a good time._

“Mr Black,”

_Winning is everything.  
But be a good loser._

“Mr Black,” the distant voice was getting louder and louder.

_You know what happens when you lose._

“Mr Black, I asked you a question! You could at least pretend to be paying attention.” Professor McGonagall scolded, bringing his attention back to the classroom. He wasn’t at the pool, rather in an English classroom, his almost empty page of notes lying in front of him.

“I’m sorry, Professor. Won’t happen again.” He said shyly, not daring to meet her eyes. 

School had only started a couple of days ago and Sirius already felt as if he was suffocating. Their professors really weren’t holding back this year, piling up homework and lectures and revision to the point where the student’s backs ached with the pressure. Atop of all of that, social lives and media presences took a lot to keep afloat, as well as sport and fitness. Sport seemed to take up 90 percent of Sirius’s current brain capacity, which was now seeming to be a problem.

English was by far his favourite subject, being the only one that he shared with all 3 of his closest friends. He looked over at James only to see him staring adoringly at the back of Lily’s red head, chin on his hands. With a roll of his eyes, he turned the other way to meet the sight of Peter sneaking snacks out of his bag, handing a few crisps to Remus under the desk. At least he was eating.

The lesson came to an end with the sharp sound of the bell, and Sirius collected his things as quickly and quietly as possible, heading for the door to finally sort through the anxieties swirling in his head; until he heard an old voice call out, “Mr Black, can I speak to you for a moment?”

_Shit, this was exactly what he didn’t need._

Defeated and ashamed, Sirius was surprised as his eyes met a kind looking smile and a careful gesture to take a seat. His mind reeled in confusion, but he did what was asked of him anyway. McGonagall cleared her throat and began to speak.

“Is everything alright?” Three words, simple yet powerful, and definitely out of the ordinary. He had no idea how to answer that, not exactly knowing where his boundaries were and how much he could say. He may have been one to overshare on social media, but he was certainly not one to spill his emotions wholeheartedly. 

“Never better, Minnie.”

“It sure doesn’t seem like it, Mr Black. I remind you that this is a safe space.”

Sirius looked down at his hands, wrapped in tight fists with his knuckles turning white with the effort. The walls suddenly felt as if hey were closing in on him, his heart rate picking up and foot tapping a rhythm on the floor.

“I’m just finding it hard to concentrate, that’s all.” He said defensively. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

McGonagall nodded glumly. This situation was uncomfortable to say the least. Sirius glanced back at the door of the room, where he could have sworn he saw Remus looking in through the window before hurrying away awkwardly. That boy was a mystery, which only drew Sirius further to him.

“You know Sirius,” his professor never called him by his first name. “Help is always given to those who ask for it.”

~~

“Please Moony,”

“No.”

“I’m begging you!”

“No, Sirius.”

“Why not? It’ll be fun, I promise. I really need it.”

Sirius really was like an excited puppy, Remus thought to himself. He’d just been relaxing in the library, catching up on some reading and enjoying the quiet lull in the day before he was quite rudely interrupted by the one and only trade of Hogwarts High. He supposed he didn’t mind it, given that he was always happy for Sirius’s company – no matter the circumstances. However, on this occasion he was less willing to participate in what the other had planned, that being tutoring him.

Remus let his mind wonder for a few moments, imagining what it would be like to be alone with Sirius, bonding over books and equation. Now that he thought about, it sounded stupid, but that wasn’t going to stop him.

“Why are you asking me, Pads? Why not one of the girls?” He suggested thoughtfully. “I’m sure there are plenty of people who would be better than me.”

“I’m calling bullshit, because you my friend are the smartest person I know.”

Remus slumped back into his chair, his heart skipping a beat. He desperately wanted to say yes, to help him out and be a good friend. He knew that Sirius hated studying, so asking for the blue-eyed boy to help him with that must have been a challenge for him. He also knew that he needed to exercise at least _some_ self-control. Maybe tutoring Sirius would be an excellent idea, a chance to do a good deed and spend some quality time boding with his crush at the same time, without it being too suspicious.

_Do you know how pathetic you sound?_

He watched as the boy in question looked down towards the floor, one hand running through his hair which Remus had quickly learned was a nervous habit of his. This wasn’t going to end well, nothing ever ended well for him. Rising to stand on two weak legs, he swept his things that had been spread over the table into his bag and slung it over his shoulder with as much swagger as he could muster. He looked back to see that Sirius’s eyes were trained on him, silently reading the room and atmosphere.

“Tomorrow lunch, 12:30, in the library. Don’t you dare be late.”

Remus walked briskly away, not waiting see Sirius’s reaction and biting back a wide smile.

~~

Turns out that tutoring Sirius Black was not the gentle, romantic, flirt-fest he thought it would be, and was in fact turning out to be a lost cause. The boy had a lot of trouble recalling metaphors, understanding Shakespeare and the like, frustrating Remus with basically everything he said. Often times he would zone out, picking at a loose thread on his t-shirt or twirling a piece of hair through his fingers, and even more likely were his frankly stupid remarks that were only made out of his compulsive need to be the funniest in the room. The most stupid thing about them is that they were actually funny, and Remus couldn’t always contain his laughter.

“Pads, stop, stop, no,” He warned. “You cannot compare Romeo and Juliet to fucking Spider-Man and MJ.”

“What? Why not? It fits, that’s all that matters, right? Sirius reasoned, pen between his teeth.

“You have to get rid of that. The whole paragraph would probably be best, so it still makes sense.” 

“But that’s my best one! If you didn’t like that then you’re definitely not gonna like the next few.”

Remus buried his face in hands, as Sirius took the essay and out of his hands and ripped it right in half. _Drama queen_ was the only thing he thought to think but a closer look at the other’s face told a different story. “You didn’t have to do that.” Remus said softly.

Sirius didn’t reply, instead opening his notebook and flipping through to find a blank page and start again. The remnants of drawings and doodles did not go unnoticed, some of which were surprisingly good. He wasn’t taking art this year, but by the looks of the pages in front of him, he should be. Sirius got back to work quickly, scribbling none sense that wouldn’t do him any favours in front of his teachers.

“C’mon, you can do better than that. Let me help you.” Remus pried the pen from his hand and pushed the textbook towards him. “And no more drama.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Sirius added with an enthusiastic wink that made him swoon and squirm in his seat.

The table was subdued for the next few minutes, Remus’s intelligence never failing to impress Sirius, but this was more due to the fact that he shared practically none of the same wit. He wasn’t actually as clueless as he had previously made himself out to be, but that didn’t keep him from acting like it. Perhaps some people’s smarts were more suited to other areas: those areas not exactly helping Sirius’s grades. Remus helping him out was just an extra bonus, or so he told himself.

Long hair fell into his eyes as Sirius leaned over Remus’s shoulder, too close for comfort, inspecting what he was pointing to and explaining. Something about themes that even Remus was quickly forgetting as the boy by his shoulder got closer.

His trance was broken as the bell rang, penetrating through his ears, earning a laugh out of Sirius as he jumped slightly. 

“Well, moony, I best get going,” he said briskly. “Maybe we could do this again sometime, eh?”

“Yeah, sure, yeah” Remus stumbled exasperatedly, a blush forming on his cheeks that was often present these days. “Whenever you need me.”

It was an authentic moment, sweet and short, but meaningful nonetheless. Until…

“Padfoot! Moony! Get over here, Peter’s trying to arm wrestle Marlene.” _James. Always one to ruin it._

“Poor thing, why the hell would he?” Sirius laughed, rushing to follow him. “Moons, you coming?”

Remus smiled. “You go ahead, I’ve got my own work to catch up on.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sick of you anyway.” He added sarcastically, earning another deep laugh.

~~

They continued to have these study sessions, Sirius becoming alarmingly enthusiastic about what would once have kept him far away and out of reach. It was a strange change in the groups’ dynamic, as where Remus and Lily would disappear of to the library, or a classroom to interrogate professors about the work, Sirius now trailed along with them. The red-headed girl had at first raised her eyebrows, or squinted her eyes suspiciously, but had now acclimated nicely. But that didn’t stop her from forming her own theories about what was going on with Remus and Sirius.

This also had the unexpected effect of getting James Potter of all people in the library for what must have been the first time in his life. Seeing Sirius so confident surrounded by nerdy things like books and papers had been the push he needed to follow him and shamelessly flirt with Lily. Remus noted the way she tucked her hair behind her ears and fiddled with her bracelets whenever James was around.

At this current moment, the four of them were hard at work on different projects, making mindless small talk as they grew increasingly bored. Sirius whispered something to James, obviously amusing as they burst into fits of laughter.

“Do you two ever shut up?” Lily said, fighting her own amusement.

“Lily, my dear,” she rolled her eyes. “That would take the fun out of it!”

More comments were exchanged, mainly between Lily and James, as Remus found himself unable to form any words of his own in the presence of Sirius.

_Stop it. If you fall too deep you won’t be able to swim back up._

_Maybe I don’t want to swim back up anymore._

“Hey, moons, what do you think about this?” Sirius questioned happily, thrusting a sketchbook towards him. To say it was absolutely beautiful would be an understatement, Remus thought as he studied what was in front of him. It was a detailed drawing, all in coloured pencil, of a field at sunset. The outline of a forest coated in orange and pink shades covered the page and his eyes were drawn to the silhouette of a rabbit, burying itself a hole in the grass. 

“I’ve been trying my hand at art, my dad hates it.” He said, directed only at Remus. “I know you saw some drawings the other day and thought you’d like it.”

“I-, Sirius this is amazing.” He gushed, until Lily saw what he was looking at and joined on his shock.

“Where have you been hiding all this talent? Are you serious?!” She squealed.

“Nah, I’m Sirius. You know that.” The familiar joke didn’t exactly catch anyone off-guard.

Remus’s mind went to what he’d said about his father, and he began to wonder the exact meaning. He only knew what everyone knew about Sirius’s home life: it was shit and he didn’t like to talk about it. He’d speculated that his parents were quite controlling, but the details were unknown. James hadn’t even been informed.

He secretly hoped that perhaps one day he would know, and he would be able to help Sirius through whatever was going on, but he would wait until the other boy was ready. In the meantime he supposed he would do whatever he could, whilst making sure his secret didn’t show itself. 

_He’s your friend. That’s all._

But when a friend is hurting, you should put in a little more effort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 2! I'm literally having so much fun with this it's not even funny.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friendships and relationships grow stronger as secrets unravel, but for some people things are only getting worse.
> 
> Allusions to abuse.

“Pete, mate, as much as I love you, this is genuinely the worst idea that anyone has ever had, and I fucking mean that.”

The four marauders, most popular people in the school, doted upon and loved by almost everyone they crossed paths with, all attractive in their own ways, seemed to be at the lowest point they’d ever experienced: kneeling behind a bush onlooking Mary MacDonald and her friends. To any passing person, this would seem like incredibly creepy, perhaps even stalker behaviour. They would like to inform you that, no, that was not their intention, rather to do a good thing for their friend. Peter had been innocently crushing on Mary from the very first moment he’d seen her, and he was finally wanting to do something about it.

When Peter had suggested ambushing her as she was outside for PE, something she was very passionate about, the other three had laughed, until realising that he was deadly serious. So there they were, clichéd binoculars in hand, watching as Mary ran laps around the freshly cut grass, waiting for their moment to strike. Her hair was in tight box braids, falling down to almost her elbows, moving from side to side with the effort.

“How does she even do that? She must have ran around that about 15 times!” Peter squeaked, obviously impressed .

“Just because you can’t do two without collapsing.” James laughed in a manner that Remus initially thought to be a little mean, but further inspection and Peter’s own smile showed the playful nature.

“I’d like to see you try, Prongs.” Sirius jabbed.

“Fuck off.”

“Gladly, but unfortunately Wormy here requires our assistance.”

Peter shifted uncomfortably from where he was sat, seeing that Mary had now stopped to chat with Dorcas, catching her breath. He hadn’t bothered to organise exactly what he was planning to do, thinking that he could wing it, but he was now having serious doubts.

_What exactly would he say to her?_

_What if she rejected him?_

Suddenly feeling sick, he looked over to his friends who were snacking on chocolate, scrolling through unopened snapchats and talking to himself respectively, hoping for some sort of copout. 

“Alright, now’s your chance, just walk up to her and work your magic.” One of them said, Peter wasn’t paying enough attention to know which.

“What exactly is my ‘magic’? Sounds gross.” He replied, hand fidgeting.

“Awe, c’mon, you’ll be fine! Channel your inner… me.” Sirius stated, with a wink thrown in Remus’s direction, who then flushed the same colour as the berries on the bushes. Peter groaned, waiting for the floor to swallow him whole. Unfortunately for him, that didn’t happen, instead he was lifted and pushed right into Mary’s arms.

_Damn Sirius._

His eyes raised to meet kind ones, dazed and confused, but kind. She placed her hands on Peter’s shoulders to steady herself, lingering there for longer than necessary and twisting her fingers in the material. Realising what she was doing she briskly cleared her throat and dislodged herself from the boy. They looked at each other for a moment, neither really knowing what to say or do, searching each other’s faces for a clue in. 

Dorcas called out, “Mary, coach needs us on the track. What’s going on?”

“I’ll be right there, you go.” She said, before turning back to Peter with a flutter of her eyelashes. “Did you need anything?”

Internally screamed internally, wanting to say it but not knowing how, his friends still watching him encouragingly. “No, no, never mind.” He stammered, immediately regretful. Mary’s eyes narrowed, but she smiled sweetly and walked in the other direction. _She’s getting away. Do something..._

“Hey, um, Mary?” His hands heavy on the back of his neck as she hummed in acknowledgement. “You-, do you-, um,” _It’s not that hard._ “Do you want to, maybe, go out with me sometime? Only if you want to, you can pick the place and everything, I just thought-“

“Of course I will, Pete.” She grinned, making him do the same, both grinning stupidly at each other until she jogged away to thread her arm into Dorcas’s, laughing as friends do. 

The three other boys stalked forward, shouting praise and clasping Peter on the back. Maybe he did have that magic that Sirius was talking about.

~~

Remus observed quietly through the following days as Peter and Mary grew closer, spending almost all their time together. He thought they were rather cute together, hesitant touches and lovesick glances, though obviously in their ‘getting to know each other’ phase. He couldn’t help but feel jealous, not of them themselves but of the idea of it, just having that closeness with someone (that someone preferably being Sirius) was appealing. He was a hopeless romantic, though too afraid to admit it.

He and the others sat at their lunch table, as per usual, eavesdropping on another group’s drama. It was ridiculous, but funny, and ridiculously funny. Tiffany had allegedly cheated, and was now being scolded by her boyfriend, whilst her other friends rallied around her; Remus felt as if he was overstepping some sort of boundary, but alas, it’s not as if he could help it. They were shouting over the noise of the entire canteen.

“This sounds rich coming from you!” Tiffany shrieked, “You cheated on me a month ago with Nina Hudson, and I didn’t say a thing.”

“What-, no I didn’t, that was just a rumour.” The boyfriend matched her volume. 

“You did so, she told me herself.” She turned her nose up proudly. 

“I didn’t! I swear on my life.”

“You’re such a bad liar, you-, you-, _shitbag._ ”

James laughed loudly, cheering her on whereas Sirius looked disinterested, possibly sharing Remus’s own discomfort. He’d have guessed that he would have shared the same enthusiasm as James, the two being inseparable and frankly obnoxious when paired together, but that wasn’t the case.

Lily spoke from Remus’s left, “I feel bad for them both, don’t you? Having their relationship so out there like that.” Ironic considering all James could talk about was the ocean blue of her eyes.

“I don’t see the point.” Sirius said disconnectedly, “Why does there have to be so much fuss about it? Everyone pairing of, who’s fucking who.”

Remus had taken a sip of water that he all but choked on when James replied, “Just because you’re not getting any.”

The two bickered as they often did, the two practically being brothers. It had always baffled Remus how one moment they loved one another, and the next they were wrestling, punching, kicking as people said boys did. It was also confusing how Sirius could have such a strong sibling with one person and be so distant from his own brother. Remus couldn’t recall a single conversation the Black brothers had had, nor did Sirius like to talk about it.

“Come to think of it, have you ever had a girlfriend?” James questioned, the table immediately silencing as he said it.

Sirius stammered and blushed, “Well no, I’m… just looking for the right person, nothing wrong with that.”

James looked at him, breaking the amused tone. “Excuses, excuses. How long will it be until you find this ‘right person’ exactly? Plenty of birds would kill for a date with you.”

“I don’t know James!” Sirius snapped, rising and packing his bag. “I’m going to class, don’t wanna be late.”

_What’s going on? He’s never early._

_Maybe I could find out._

“We best go too, Re. The library awaits.” Lily chorused, bringing him out of his thoughts. He threw one more look to a disgruntled Sirius, halfway across the room by now, before scuffling to follow the girl.

~~

“What d’you think is up with him?”

James and Remus were sat in Physics, test papers in front of them, the latter hard at work scribbling something or other when James whispered over to him. For the rest of the week the boy in question had been strangely distant from his friends, making excuses as to why he couldn’t hang out that were about as thin as a paper bag. A nerve had been struck, showing itself as he avoided the help of those around him. Remus felt sorry for him, desperate to piece together exactly what was going on.

“I dunno,” He said, earning a glance from their professor. “Should we do something?”

“I’m sure he’ll come around. He loves the drama, I guarantee he’ll be back to himself in no time.” Remus doubted this, but he trusted that James was his closest friend, and ultimately the person who knew him best; making him the most qualified for judgement.

He trailed off, “I guess… it just sucks to see him like this, you know?”

“Of course, I get that, but there’s not really much we can do. We can’t sit here and beat ourselves up about it.” James was always the mother hen.

“There should be no need to talk during this test, thank you very much.” Their professor reminded flatly, finishing with a pointed look to the two boys. Remus waited until she turned her head back to laptop, typing away, before speaking again.

“Has he seriously never had a girlfriend?” He asked, more out of his own interest than actual care, but no one had to know that. He’d only had 1 himself, one of those primary school girls who held hands with you once before breaking up with you over text. He was vaguely aware of the few that James had had, including a fling with Marlene before she’d realised her sexuality. Turns out one of the only girls James hadn’t dated was the one he wanted to the most.

“Not that I know of, I think he’s just embarrassed.”

“Are we talking about the same person here?” Remus asked sarcastically, hoping to amuse the other. It seemed to work well as James let out a laugh that was followed by another warning from the professor, this time more stern.

“Do you think it’s about Regulus? Something might have happened there that he hasn’t told us about.” James said thoughtfully and seriously, looking behind him to see the very boy he’d just mentioned, pale face pressed almost right into the paper, bony fingers wrapped around a pen. 

“That’d make sense,” Remus responded. “There’s no way of actually knowing until he comes around though.”

“I wish he’d just tell us, everything would be so much easier.”

Remus thought about that for a moment, replaying it in his mind. Telling people what’s the matter could help.

_Maybe that’s advice I could take._

~~

Remus alternated between pacing up and down the concrete of Lily’s driveway, and standing perfectly still to lower the rate of his heart. It was dark with the evening sun, but this simply couldn’t wait. His thoughts were far too loud in his head to wait any longer. 

_He had to tell Lily._

_He had to tell Lily he was bi._

The two had always been close, but as of late they’d been spending more and more time together. Bitching about their friends, helping each other study, and Remus felt like he was living a lie. His chest tightened with every word he spoke, and he simply couldn’t continue without confiding in her. It was eating him up, swallowing him whole, biting at his dignity and heart. He wasn’t exactly sure why he hadn’t already told her, putting it down to a combination of imperfect timing and chickening out last minute. He was now determined that he would. He had to be.

Lily gazed out of the window to find him in one of his pacing staged, fingers nervously picking at a cut on his hand. She scrambled up before her sister could see what she was looking at and intervene, heading straight for the door. 

_What the fuck is he doing here?_

Her fingers fumbled with the keys as she tried to unlock the door before anyone noticed what was wrong, which was becoming increasingly harder as she heard the screeching voice of her sister ring through the house. When she finally got the right key, shoving it into the lock and fumbling for a few more minutes to turn it the correct way, the door opened to a shaking and shivering Remus staring back at her.

He blinked, throat closing up as he worked up the courage. Lily gave him a look, trying to convey _‘why the hell are you on my doorstep unannounced at 8 in the evening on a school night’_ as best she could. 

He opened his mouth to speak and was startled as the words fell out of his mouth like a waterfall of emotion. “Lily, I’m bi.”

“Cool, anything else?” She was surprised but it came out effortlessly smooth.

Remus hesitated, “Wait, you’re okay with it?”

Lily came out onto the step to meet him, closing the door behind her, and gestured for him to follow as she set off down the street. “Re, of course I’m okay with it. Dorcas and Marlene have been out for ages, there’s nothing to be worried about.”

“I know, I know,” he said breathlessly. “But it’s different… I thought-, I’m a boy,”

“How is that any different? I love them, and I love you, nothing’s changed.” Lily suggested gently. “Am I the first person you’ve told?”

Remus looked down at his feet, carrying him weightlessly through the street. The tension had evaporated. “Yeah, you were the first person that came to mind, not that I wouldn’t have told you first anyway-“ He added quickly. “I just, I wasn’t planning on telling anyone, not right now anyway, but then James said some poetic shit about telling people what’s up and how it helps and… I don’t know. This is stupid.”

She cut his rambling short, “It’s not stupid, god, none of this is stupid. I’m proud of you!”

Remus finally eased into his words, “I never really realised it, never had that lightbulb moment where it all comes to you at once and you know exactly who you are. It was always just something in the back of my mind and I tried to ignore it but the more I did that the more it came forward and forced me to deal with it.” She hummed in acknowledgement. “For a long time I had no idea what was going on, you know?”

 _Why?_ He remembered thinking. _Why me?_

“But then, a couple of month ago, I saw people like me for the first time. They were always there, but I’d never really seen them. So I looked into it and got my shit together and stopped fucking… denying it.” Reflecting on his past self, it all seemed rather stupid. “I’m sorry for dropping all of this on you, you’ve got your own stuff to-“

She cut him off once again. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Remus” _She never calls me by my full name._ “If anything I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that.”

He looked at her, fully this time, and felt his heart pull. In his mind he’d known she was going to be okay with it, of course she would, but seeing it play out in front of him was emotional to say the least. He was so grateful to have her. The two continued to walk as another layer of friendship and love was shared between the two.

She raised her eyebrows knowingly as she said “It’s Sirius, isn’t it?”

“What-, what are you talking about? I don’t,” He spluttered, wondering if he was ready to tell her about that particular problem. 

She chuckled, “You’re about as obvious as a person carrying a sign that says ‘I’m in love with Sirius Black’. I’m not stupid.”

“I never said-,” He sighed as she put a hand on his shoulder to prevent him from walking further. “Sirius is my friend.”

“And Peter was Mary’s friend, and we all know how that turned out for them.”

_Were they really talking about this?_

Remus let out a low, wounded sound, “Lils-“

“Not that you asked me, but I think you’d be really cute together.” Her smile was warm and inviting, but not warm enough to get burned. No going back now.

“Fuck, Lils, I really like him. I think… I think I might love him. A little bit. Maybe.” He slumped his head onto her shoulder and groaned comically.

She laughed, a real laugh, and petted his curls reassuringly. “I know, mate. It’ like I said, you’re not exactly the least obvious person in the world.”

“What the hell am I supposed to do? He’s straight for fuck’s sake!”

A smirk painted her face. “Just hold out hope, you never know what’s going to happen.”

“Lilith Jane Evans do you know something that I don’t?” Remus raised his voice.

A laugh escaped from her lips as she pulled him into a hug, “You’ll have to wait and see, Remus Elizabeth Lupin.”

“My middle name is not Elizabeth.”

“And my name isn’t ‘Lilith’, I’m not that posh”

~~

Sirius watched Regulus from over the feast in front of him, eyes trained on the way his fingers drummed lightly on the table. Everything looked to far too expensive to even touch, plates and glasses lined with gold embellishments and 5 different forks lined up next to them. He hated family dinners with every fibre of his being, especially when everyone was set on edge by news that Sirius had just shared.

Regulus hated when his brother did that, gave himself a rebellious reputation that he would do anything to avoid. The boy was much thinner than Sirius, skin pale with an tint that was almost green, limbs longer and face flatter, with his hair cut short and curling around his forehead.

“Why aren’t you eating, boy? Is this not good enough for you?” The cold voice of Mr Black tried.

“I’m not hungry.” He said simply, voice devoid of the personality he would usually have an abundance of.

His mother shook her head from wear she was sat, “is that any way to address your father?”

Sirius shifted angrily in his seat, “I’m not hungry, sir.”

This earned a shallow and cold smile from his mother, a stark contrast to the smiles he was used to from his friends throughout the day. “Now that wasn’t so hard, was it? I’d take a clue from you brother if I were you, at least he can get it right the first time round.”

The table fell silent as Regulus sank down into his chair, hesitant to meet the eyes of anyone. “He’s only so willing because he’s scared, sir.” Sirius said with a bite. “Must be miserable, to have your own children afraid of you.”

Mr Black stilled, the moment so tense he would be grateful for a pin drop. His fingers curled around the arms of his chair as he stood ever so slowly, towering over Sirius with anger boiling behind his eyes. The tension only grew as the man’s voice came out as quiet as a whisper, “As far as I’m concerned you are no child of mine.”

He continued, voice rising with every syllable “You say you’re not hungry, then I suppose you wouldn’t mind if you didn’t finish this meal, or any meal for the rest of the weekend, eh? Would you be hungry?

Regulus gasped, still desperate to keep his voice low and unheard as he squeaked his brother’s name. 

Sirius rose to his father’s level, voice wavering. “I’d rather starve than spend another minute in this hellhole.”

“Then leave! Get the fuck out of my house!” Mr Black boomed.

And so he did.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movie night with the marauders, followed by embarrassingly badly-timed art projects. 
> 
> Mentions of homophobia.

Remus felt the sofa dip as James sat down beside him, the popcorn he was carrying spilling as Peter took a handful. Movie night, a time-honoured tradition for the marauders, had fallen on a Thursday this month, but the inconvenience wouldn’t stop them. James always hosted, so at least they could rely on Mrs Potter to wake them for school in the morning. Sirius flicked through Disney Plus on the TV, sat criss-cross in the most ridiculous onesie James had jokingly bought him one birthday, struggling to pick a film. 

It made him look great, hugging everything delightfully, whilst still having that sense of humour that he adored.

_Can you stop being a gay disaster for 5 minutes?_

Sirius had begun to act normally again after only a few days, refusing to attest to what exactly was bothering him, ignoring people when asked. On the first day he’d laughed along with his friends as he used to, Remus had given Lily a concerned look which was shrugged off timidly.

“How ‘bout Shtar Warsh? We haven’t washed dem in a while.” Peter suggested through a mouth full of food.

James huffed, “No, Wormtail, we watched all the bloody films last month, remember?”

“Well what about Narnia? Magic and shit.” He tried again. Everybody groaned.

“Ok, ok, I get it,” He defended, hands going up in mock surrender. “What do you suggest then?”

Remus watched as Sirius thought for a moment, pulling at his hair before switching to the Marvel section, “You can’t go wrong with Avengers, lads.”

“Sirius, you are literally the only person who likes the Avengers.” James said as he put his head in his hands, snatching the popcorn bowl from Peter and offering it to the room. “Moony, you’re awfully quiet, what do you think?”

Remus tore his eyes away from Sirius just as he tilted his head and offered his infamous puppy dog eyes, the caramel flecks shining in the light of the TV. He didn’t much like Marvel movies, finding them a bit boring, but how was he supposed to say no to those eyes? “I don’t mind, let Sirius pick.”

Sirius squealed girlishly before starting the film, getting up from the floor and situating himself right next to Remus, body pressing against his side. He drew in a breath.

_Stay calm. You’ve sat close to him before._

“Wait who’s that? What’s he doing?” Peter was one of those people who talked the whole way through a movie, asking question that would be answered within a few minutes, and it was annoying to say the least. “Oh fuck! Why’s he doing that?!”

Sirius laughed seemingly right into Remus’s ear and the sound was infectious. The slight feeling of hot air against his face sent a jolt down his spine; he didn’t dare to move an inch in case he got too close, or in case he got too far away. He couldn’t deny himself the feeling of it, even if it was only temporary.

As the evening faded to night, sun into the moon, the four of them lay tired, barely processing what was happening on the screen with eyes blinking wearily. Yet Remus was wide awake, all too aware of the soft _dundun dundun dundun_ of Sirius’s heartbeat. It was calm and lethargic, accompanied by the rise and fall of his chest. The screen was busy with action and explosions, and Remus’s brain was loud with spinning thoughts.

James yawned exaggeratedly. “I don’t know if I can stand anymore of this Padfoot, turn it off.”

“But this is the best bit!” He pleaded.

“It was the best bit half an hour ago, hell, it was the best bit 10 minutes ago. Poor Peter’s trying to sleep.” A snore came from the floor almost in agreement.

Sirius sighed, “please… just let me watch this, I’ll turn it off straight after. Swear down.”

“Fine, but I’m going up to bed. Turn off the lights when you’re finished, would you? Mum says we’re trying to save money on the electric.”

“You got it Prongs!”

The room was eerily silent as the film continued, apart from Sirius’s quiet reaction and Peter’s thundering snores. Remus’s breathing evened out gradually as he settled back into the heat of his friend’s body. He knew he was crossing some sort of boundary but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Staving off a yawn, he braved a look at the other boy, only to meet bleary eyes and a drooping head. 

“You don’t actually like Avengers, do you?” He smiled.

Remus’s breathing picked up again. “What? I don’t know what you’re talking about-“

“No, I know, I know… It’s fine. You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

He scoffed, “I wasn’t pretending. Why would I?”

“You tell me, Moons.”

~~

Remus woke up to a head heavy on his shoulder, still peacefully sleeping, his lips slightly parted and hair falling onto his back. When had Sirius fallen asleep? And when had he gotten right there?

“Boys, boys, I can’t believe I forgot!” Mrs Potter entered the room briskly. “It’s time to get up, hurry now.”

The head on his shoulder jerked up, obviously startled as he brought his arm up to cover his eyes from the intensity of the light. “What time is it? Moons?”

“It’s about 8, Sirius love. Was it a late night?” Mrs Potter asked, tidying the blankets and bowls scattered all over the floor. 

He stretched lethargically. “Not quite.”

She left the room with a final wake up call to Peter, leaving Remus to deal with a half-asleep Sirius Black practically on his lap. He watched as he brushed his hair out of his face, rubbing at his eyes and pressing into the material of the other’s pyjama t-shirt. _The bastard doesn’t even look dishevelled._

“Morning, Moons, you alright?” He mumbled.

Remus stuttered, “Yeah, I’m fine, I’m great, yeah, I’m… peachy.”

“Peachy?”

He didn’t notice the way Sirius’s cheeks flushed and his face fell, nor did he notice the waver in his iron confidence that was built up so high. The boy sobered slightly, finally lifting his head and coming back down to reality. 

“How did you-, um, did you sleep okay?” Remus asked.

“Absolutely _peachy._ ” Sirius laughed, “How about you?”

His palms began to sweat as he answered shakily, trying his best to change the subject “Oh, yeah, do you know where I put my, um-, my bag?

The other boy faltered, gathering his own belongings and spare change of clothes. “I think it’s in the kitchen mate.” 

“Right, thanks, yeah,” Remus said.

Peter looked up from the floor, appearance in stark contrast to Sirius’s effortless, I woke up like this aura. He felt around for his phone and once found he cursed loudly, “Shit! I forgot to charge it, my mum’ll go mad.”

Remus wasn’t listening as he stared at the back of a certain someone’s head, wondering if he’d done something wrong. It seemed as if there was an entire section of his brain dedicated to Sirius, whether that be anxious thoughts about his wellbeing and emotions, or pathetic crushing. 

James burst through the door, “Do you need me to call your mum? Is she worried about you?” He cooed. “Okay now, that gesture wasn’t very nice.”

When Remus turned back to look at Sirius, he had already gone, presumably to the bathroom. James spoke warmly, “What do you want for breakfast? Dad says he’ll make bacon if you fancy it.”

“Have you got sausages as well? That’d be nice.” Peter had stopped panicking about his phone, perking up at the mention of food.

Remus truthfully was quite hungry, but suddenly wasn’t in the mood. “I’ll eat at school, thanks though Prongs.”

“It’s no trouble, he always makes too much anyway.” James reasoned.

“Seriously, I’m fine.” He said dismissively, giving one last reassuring smile before stalking into the kitchen to sit at the bar, scrolling through his own phone lazily. Mr Potter was hard at work at the stove, the bacon James had spoke of by his side. 

He sought out conversation, “How’s your mum these days? I haven’t spoken to her in a while.”

“She’s doing well, yeah.” For a moment he let his mind linger on the thought of his mother, pushing herself to her limits just for mere household chores, every adult he knew always asking about her. He tended not to think too much of it, but occasionally it was impossible to ignore. Never did he talk openly about what was going on, he was similar to Sirius that way.

“Something smells good.” Sirius sauntered into the room, looking even more perfect than before, if that was possible.

James chuckled, “Unlike you.”

“Very original.”

“Again, unlike you.”

~~

Marlene looked away from where she was tracing glitter onto Remus’s eyelids, “Seriously, Re, I don’t know why you were so against this. It looks good!”

“I wasn’t against it, I am against it. This is stupid.” He huffed.

Remus was sat in the girls’ bathroom, legs folded on a closed toilet seat, head tilted up to meet a makeup brush. Surrounding him were Lily, Mary, Dorcas and Marlene, all gossiping excitedly about an art project they were doing. After he’d come out to Lily, he’d found it easy and comforting to tell the other girls too (though still not ready to tell the boys), who’d jumped on the excuse to show him love, support and happiness. They were currently working on a project about gender expression, using Remus as a very unenthusiastic model.

“Jeez, Marls, doesn’t this seem like a bit too much?” He asked.

Dorcas laughed, “There’s no such thing as too much!”

“Tell that to the people who are going to be blinded by my fucking-,” He winced as the brush pressed harder against his skin, “be careful with that, -my eyes.”

Marlene swiped a thumb over the glistening skin, before leaning back to inspect her work. “Hey babe, do you think I should go for red or pink on the lips? I think the red goes cute with the eyes.”

“Whatever you think.” Dorcas smiled sweetly.

Remus made a noise in the back of his throat, “As long as it doesn’t take too long, I have to take all of this off before my next lesson.”

“You should keep it on, it’s nice.” Lily suggested, “I think Sirius would think so anyway.”

“Fat chance.”

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket so he got it out, not without protest from Marlene. The beating of his heart picked up as he saw it was a snapchat from Sirius, his momentary freeze allowing Lily to snatch it right from his hands.

“Speaking of him, what’s going on?”

He snatched the phone back. “I haven’t opened it, dumbass.”

“Well then you better open it before I do, _dumbass._ ” Lily teased.

He wondered for a moment what it could be, considering Sirius must have been well into a lesson. Not that I know his timetable. That would be weird. He tried to reason with himself about all of the possible things it could concern, and how practically none of which aligned with his fantasies and wishes. Reasoning had always gone out the window when it came to his friend. 

_Friends. That’s all you are._

“C’mon Remus, let’s see it.” Mary sang.

Marlene joined her, “You can't leave us waiting like this.”

“He’ll open it when he’s ready, guys.” He heard Dorcas say vaguely.

He only hesitated for another second, until with a surge of confidence he tapped his phone to open the message. For a moment, he thought _I’m overreacting, it’s just a stupid snapchat,_ but this moment was cut short by a glance a the message.

_**Pads:** meet me in Slughorn’s empty lab in 5. We need to talk_

_Holy. Shit._

“Um, Marls?” She hummed in recognition. “How fast can you take all of this off my face?”

~~

It was eerily quiet as he cautiously walked into the lab, having never been there outside of lessons. It was also strange to see Sirius perched atop the counter, legs swinging wildly and fingers picking at his nail polish. Remus remembered when he’d first started painting his nails, claiming he was only doing it because it pissed off his mum, but it was to be suspected that he secretly loved it. 

Sirius lifted his head and scanned Remus’s face in confusion. “Bloody hell, what happened to you?”

“Marlene happened.”

He laughed, “That explains it.” 

The two looked at each other for a moment, searching for the words but not quite finding them. It was awkward, but the comfortable kind. Remus broke the silence shyly, “Did you need to talk to me about something?”

Sirius sighed, “I was hoping you wouldn’t bring that up.”

“What-, what do you mean? Isn’t that why you wanted me here? No offence, but I wouldn’t just risk detention with Slughorn to just stand here,” He asked, before realising what he said. “Not that I don’t… I wouldn’t… I just wanted to know what’s up.”

Sirius rubbed at the back of his neck. “Keep talking, please, it makes me less nervous.”

“What do you have to be nervous about?” Remus said, kicking at his shoes.

“A lot, apparently.”

Sirius stilled where he was sitting, hooking his ankles together to stop the violent swinging, running a hand through his hair. Remus’s mind reeled trying to make sense of what was happening, or what he should be doing. _Say something, idiot._ “Me talking makes you less nervous?” It was more of a statement than a question.

“I guess it does, yeah.” Sirius replied quietly.

Remus found a poster on the wall to burn his eyes into, reading the same sentence again and again without really understanding it. Truth be told, he had no idea what was going on, and at this rate he’d never find out.

He spoke with a care-free façade, “So who’s lesson are you skiving? Wait no, don’t tell me, it’s Binns, isn’t it?”

“You know me so well.” Sirius said with a hand over his heart. “He doesn’t even notice! It’s a wonder anyone shows up.”

Remus paused a moment for a thought, “Perhaps it’s just the people who actually care about their grades. Or the people who chose the subject because they enjoy it, not just because James picked it, who only did it because Lily did.”

“Couldn’t be me.” Sirius giggled. _Giggled._

“Well, for once I can’t be too angry,” Remus mirrored his laugh. “You did save me from the wrath of Marlene’s makeup brush. I don’t think I could have been able to stand any more glitter.”

“I don’t blame you.” Sirius said amusedly, before adding, “I don’t blame her either. Looks nice.”

Remus’s breath caught in his throat. “You think?”

Rather than be embarrassed as he was before, Sirius let out another hearty laugh. “You’re always so self-deprecating, mate. You look good, any bird would be lucky to have you.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it.” Remus replied happily, any sadness slipping from his shoulders as he took in the compliment. He’d never been good at taking compliments, either out of disbelief and surprise, or his anxiety. 

_They’re only saying these things out of pity,_ he’d think. _But he didn’t think that now._

It subdued for only a few seconds, the two laughing about anything and everything, before Sirius blurted something that made Remus’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “I like boys, by the way… that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

_FuckfuckfuCKFUCKFUCKSHITSHIT_

“What-, you-, I don’t, what?” He spluttered, eyes wide. “Are you serious?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

Remus had to bite back a smile, “No, I absolutely do not. I just… wow.”

Sirius nodded. “Wow. That sums it up pretty well.”

“I-, I had no idea, I mean, that came out wrong.” He then realised how awful this sounded, probably making Sirius think he was homophobic or something. He debated it in his mind, he had the perfect opportunity to tell him of his own truth. “Does-, does anyone know? James maybe?”

Sirius’s squeezed his hands between his thighs. “The only people who know are my so-called parents and Regulus. Long story short, they’re not exactly the most accepting people in the world.”

Remus let out a sympathetic noise, “I’m so sorry.” _You can’t tell him now, it’d take his moment away._

_But maybe I have a chance. A very small one, I’m probably not even his type. But a chance._

“Can I… Do you… A hug, maybe?”

Before he could blink Sirius was wrapping his arms around him, pressing a teary face to his shoulder. It was slightly difficult at the angle, and Remus had to stand on his toes to put his own arms on his waist to steady him. 

Sirius breathed, “I left, Re. I told them and stood up and I left.”

“I’m proud of you, it takes a lot to do that”

He hadn’t known when tears had started to stream down Sirius’s face. “But Reg, he’ still there. I left him in that fucking house! I could have-“

“He’s a smart kid, you know that. You had to get out, you can’t put all the fault on your shoulders, Pads.” He was saying anything he thought could cheer him up. “Where did you even go? After you left, you had to have gone somewhere.”

“Round James’s. Mrs Potter set up an airbed and everything.”

Remus smiled, relieved that he’d gotten the comfort of the Potter household. “Pads, can I tell you something?”

“Course, Moons.” He lifted his head from where it had been pressed against Remus, looking him right in the eye. 

“Me too.”

“What?”

“I-“ Spit it out. “I like boys too. And girls. Pads… I’m bi.”

This time he did notice how Sirius’s face flushed as he cleared his throat. “I’m happy for you, mate. Although the glitter might have given it away.”

“You think?”

~~

_One week ago._

Sirius was running. He didn’t know when it had started raining, but now he was picking up the pace as to not get caught in the heavy downpour. It was cold – dark with an evening breeze and freezing – and he was only wearing a thin, white t-shirt and jeans. His long hair stuck to his forehead unpleasantly, beads of rain and sweat dripping down his entire body.

_‘Then leave! Get the fuck out of my house!’ Mr Black boomed._

He hadn’t expected to leave, to tell them he was gay or to stand up for himself. It had been an idea in the back of his mind for a while, but as he was now actually going through with it, he was regretful. It was the name of his brother coming from Mr Black’s mouth with such disrespect had been the final straw. 

He knew exactly where he was running, the only place that had ever felt like home. He flinched as he heard himself bang on the door heavily, his mind swimming elsewhere, and fell into the arms of the woman who opened the door with a startled smile.

“Sirius love, what’s going on?” She inquired. “Gosh, you’re soaked through, let’s get you to the shower.”

He nodded glumly and heard his best friend hurry down the stairs, “Padfoot! Are you okay? Who was it? I bet it was his parents. Those bastards, I don’t know why you stayed there for so long. Is Reg okay? Is he here? We’ll take him in too if we have to.”

“James, stop crowding him. I’m sure he’ll tell us when he’s ready. In the meantime, let’s get you cleaned up.” The last part was directed at Sirius.

He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. “Can I stay the night?”

Mrs Potter’s eyes curled kindly, “You’ll stay as long as you need. Who would I be to send you away in this state?”

“Sick!” James exclaimed while his mother shushed him. “We’ll have a sleep over, wouldn’t that be cool?”

Sirius hadn’t smiled all night, but in that moment he did. “Thank you.”

“C’mon, mate. You can pick some of my clothes.”

“Not a chance, you dress like a 9-year-old kid.”

“Do not.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pressure and tension is soaring as romance and hobbies find a cross-section for the marauders.

As the following week passed, Remus and Sirius found themselves dancing around each other: walking on eggshells. They hadn’t really spoken since that fateful day in the science lab and neither wanted to push the other into anything. The tawny-haired boy doubted that his love was requited, without looking hard enough to see if that was true.

After confiding in the girls about what was said (with Sirius’s permission of course) the first thing they did was laugh confidently, unbelieving that he hadn’t just confessed his crush. _Lily’s not any better,_ Remus thought. _She knows that James likes her and she still won’t tell him._ He’d covered his ears childishly to block out her out as Dorcas tried to pry his hands away.

“Remus Orpheus Lupin.” Marlene announced as they sat in Privet Fields, wading her fingers through the grass as they onlooked James and Sirius, racing each other to the top of a climbing frame, Peter and Mary cheering them on.

“That’s not my name and you know it.”

Her brows furrowed, “You are the most disastrous bisexual I have ever met, and I’m dating Dorcas.”

The girl in question punched Marlene lightly in the shoulder, pushing her short, brunette hair out of her face, smirking to herself. “You’re the one who was practically throwing yourself at me every excuse you got.”

“Was not.”

Dorcas scoffed. “So you don’t remember mysteriously tripping so that I could catch you every single day? Asking McGonagall to change the seating plan because Kingsley was ‘distracting your learning’?”

“He was! I’m not that hopeless.” Marlene harrumphed.

Dorcas’s smirk shifted to a genuine smile as she kissed her cheek. “I never said you were, babe.”

Remus also smiled, watching them adoringly. He’d seen them both make fools of themselves before they’d finally gotten together. They were the most deserving people of happiness, and happiness they had found together. 

His attention was brought away by the harsh shouts of Mary, who’d gotten to the top of the frame before James and Sirius even after giving them a head start. “Fuck yeah!”

Sirius was tangled in the rope, limbs flailing. “There are children present, Miss MacDonald.” 

“He’s right, we can’t have you corrupting our ickle Peter, can we?” James said from where he was helping to free Sirius.

Lily rolled her eyes from beside Remus, not quite committing to it, “I think he was corrupted the day he met those two. If anything, Mary saved him.”

Remus agreed, “We all were, Lils. My teachers used to love me, I’d just sit in the back of the class quietly and actually do work.” That wasn’t entirely true, but no one had to know. “I had a clean record, no detentions or anything.”

“Maybe it’s a good thing then, I couldn’t even imagine how boring that’d be.” Marlene started. 

“How boring what would be?” Sirius was now untangled and stalking towards where Remus and the girls were situated on the field, wilting daisies surrounding them as their coats sat beneath them and the damp ground. His hair was tied up in a manbun, a few curls not quite reaching and framing his face messily, lighter from the summer sun.

Lily answered him, “Remus was telling us all about his shameful past as a teacher’s pet.”

He gave her a scandalized look as Sirius said, “Our Moony? He would never. I specifically remember him pulling a prank and blaming me for it, that’s actually how we met.”

The girls erupted, laughing and shouting praise, clasping him on the back. He saw a mother give them a pointed look from across the field, tearing her eyes away from two boys aimlessly kicking a football back and forth. It had been in year 7, one of the first days of high school, when he’d taken one look at Sirius Black and something inside of him just knew.

And he hadn’t made any progress since.

~~

“Sirius, mate, how is that even possible?”

“It’s not that big of a deal, but I’m not exactly complaining.”

Sirius was stood in the middle of the pool changing rooms, 6:00 am, wearing nothing but a speedo and a swimming cap. Morning practices were always the worst, especially when he’d tossed and turned all night with no real sleep. In front of him was Frank Longbottom, teammate and friend, dressed in a similar state to him. 

“Your time went down 5 seconds, for fucks sake! It’s incredible,” Frank gushed. “No one here could do that if they tried.”

“Bet Coach still makes me work harder, no amount of improvement in the world could make him like me.” Sirius and his coach had never gotten along, considering he had a great relationship with the Black family, and it often worked out against his favour. 

Frank gave him a sympathetic nod, tightening his own cap before padding out of the room to find the rest of their team. Temper rising, Sirius messily shoved his bag into a locker and followed his friend. 

I have more important things to worry about than a stupid coach.

But it would be nice to be liked.

A few moments later water flowed fast all around him, his mind only focused on the movements his limbs. Every trouble faded out of his head as he kicked, hands dragging almost lazily as it was second nature to him. This was where he could feel safe. This is where the highs and lows of life couldn’t reach him, his muscles hard at work. The wall was right in front of him, getting closer by the minute as he stretched out his arm to touch it and when he did he felt a surge of happiness shoot up his spine and through his blood.

He ripped his goggles off excitedly to realise he was the first one to finish warmup, eyes scanning the board to see the set they’d be doing. It looked difficult, and would definitely take a lot out of him, but that was exactly what he needed. No time for overthinking. So exhaustingly yet refreshingly, he swam and dived and turned and flipped until his head felt fuzzy and his legs ached.

Coach shouted at them to get out of the pool and line up against the wall, voice calmer than usual. It was almost startling, how Fabian and Gideon could fuck about and not get given push-ups, how Frank could lean over and whisper to Sirius without being caught.

“Bet he’s announcing the new Captain,” He explained. “He’d have to be stupid to consider anyone but you.”

Sirius laughed dryly, “Don’t get your hopes up, Frank. Alice has been kissing his arse for weeks, I barely stand a chance.”

“But you’re the best swimmer here!” Frank exclaimed.

“If you don’t shut up now I won’t stand a chance at all. I won’t even have legs to stand on.”

His eyes went quickly to the towering height and corkscrew hair of the man speaking, broad shoulders filling out the team t-shirt. His face was angry and intimidating, which seemed to help the team win often enough for him to continue. “I expect a better swim than that, especially coming off your wins last night. I didn’t come here to watch mediocre swimmers.”

There was a general hum of acknowledgement, “All of you have the potential for excellence, but I expect very few of you to come into your own.” He paced up and down the line menacingly. “Selecting a Captain did not come easy to me, considering that the job takes responsibility and maturity.”

Gideon smirked back over at him as if to say ‘can’t be you then’ as their Coach continued, “The person I have selected may not demonstrate these things 100 percent of the time, but gala after gala has proved their worth.” Sirius now shifted in anticipation. “So, without further ado, your Team Captain for the rest of this year is…”

_I was unfocused last week._  
I didn’t finish that set one time.  
My fly needs work. 

_There’s no way he’ll make me Captain._

“…Sirius Black.”

Frank and some others jumped on him immediately and he had to wince as they shouted right down his ears. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing but was elated nonetheless as the rowdy praise evaporated into polite applause and surprisingly authentic smiles. It came to an end, not without a warning from their coach and swimmers filed out orderly. Before Sirius could follow he heard a stern voice call him back.

“I need to talk to you, Sirius.” His Coach said.

He turned back around and folded his arms complyingly, prompting the man to continue. “You did well last night, I was quite impressed actually.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” Sirius stumbled, taken aback by the sincerity.

“You’re not exactly the most easy to work with, nor the most responsible.” _Don’t hold back with the compliments,_ Sirius thought internally. “However I know a good swimmer when I see one, and I’ve seen you with our junior swimmers, they love you.”

Sirius choked back a smile, “I love helping them, ‘s nice to give back, you know?” 

A t-shirt was placed gently in his hands, the same one that his Coach was wearing but in a smaller size. The team logo shone from where it was embedded on the right and his title was sown neatly below it. He was brought out of his trance by a contrastingly harsh voice, “But one slip up and that t-shirt goes to Alice, mark my words.”

He couldn’t help but groan. “I understand.”

“You can leave now, Sirius.”

“Happily.”

~~

Remus peered over his book for about the thousandth time that hour, watching James obnoxiously flirt with Lily as she rolled her eyes, contrasting the way her cheeks pinked. This interaction had been going on ever since they’d gotten to school just half an hour before, and it was becoming quite exhausting to watch. He took a look around the practically empty library before shifting his focus back to his book.

“Lily, you have no idea what you’re missing out on! I have a lot to offer.” James sang.

“And what would that be exactly?” She said sharply.

He hesitated for a moment, ruffling his hair to make it even more messy before saying, “A lot! I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Of course you don’t,” Lily sighed. “Better luck next time.”

James huffed, his lips forming a pout as he slumped back into his chair. Remus braved a look at the scene and so his eyes lifted to meet Lily’s fierce blue ones, pleading and disturbed. He wondered what could possibly be going on in her head when even though she liked him she still rejected his advances.

James perked up suddenly, “Sirius, mate, can you tell Lily about everything I have to offer? How much she’s missing out on?”

Sure enough, Sirius was walking gracefully into the quiet of the library, hair still damp and clinging to his ears from what must have been a morning practice. His hoodie was half unzipped, giving a peak of a tight graphic t-shirt beneath it. “I’m afraid there’s not much to say in that department, Prongs,” He laughed.

“Fuck off, I’ve got class.” This only made him laugh louder as James continued to sulk even when leaving the room. _He really is a child._

Sirius sat himself in a chair right next to Remus, his hair almost brushing the other’s nape when he leaned over his shoulder to assess the book in his hands. With a slow turn of his head, the two met face to face with longing and shyness. Through the corner of his eye Remus could see Lily stand and call out to James, flicking out her phone, but he couldn’t bring himself out of the weighted moment.

Sirius leaned forward carefully, until he was close enough to reach up and run a hand through Remus’s curls. 

“I really do like the haircut,” his voice was down to a low whisper. “Not that I didn’t like it before, I just… like it more now, I guess.”

Remus’s breathing hitched as the hand that was carding through his hair moved down to his cheek, his thumb brushing over his cheekbone lightly. _Well, it’s now or never._

“Is there anything else you want to get off your chest? He asked, matching the other’s whisper.

“Yeah, there is actually.”

“Me too,” The moment he sounded the last syllable Sirius’s other hand came to rest on the other side of his face. It was only just occurring to him what was happening. _Sirius’s hands are on my face. Sirius likes me. Oh shit._

“Can I kiss you now?” The boy in front of him questioned, way too casually from what it was, thumbs tracing circles on his flushed skin. Quickly and simply, he nodded until he felt soft lips on his own. 

He thought fireworks must be going off somewhere outside because _holy shit._ Sirius’s lips were warm against his own, insistent yet gentle, and certainly better than he could have ever imagined. He realised he wasn’t really doing much so he wrapped his arms around the dark-haired boy’s waist and brought him as close as possible to his body. A thought ran through his mind like a train, that he could never be close enough to Sirius. Remus felt a tongue run over his bottom lip as the kiss deepened, both boys letting out sounds of contentment. He never wants to stop kissing this boy; He wants to die kissing this boy.

It did stop eventually, but not without both of them savouring it as best they could. As they parted, Remus kept his eyes closed for a few moments, desperately trying to hold onto the feeling. When he finally did open them, his eyelashes fluttered in a way that Sirius thought to be simply criminal, and so he leaned back in to kiss him once again. Remus tasted like chocolate and mint, a taste he tried to memorise in the next few minutes they spent with their lips almost molded together. 

This time they only stopped as distant hollers got increasingly louder, hollers that they soon figured belonged to their friends. Dorcas was holding her phone up, obviously recording the new couple’s _(couple? Is that what they were now?)_ reaction. Mary handed Lily some change, Remus noting that they must have been betting on this. _Fucking Lily._

He buried his face in the crook of Sirius’s neck out of embarrassment, realising that maybe that was something he could do now. Maybe. This was only reassured by strong arms folding around his shoulders, hands bracketing his head to keep him there. 

“As much as I appreciate the well wishes, we’d much prefer if you could kindly fuck off, thank you.” Sirius addressed the audience of smug faces around them, ending it with a kiss to Remus’s head.

“I knew you like him! I told you, didn’t I Lily, I told you!” James jumped up and down like an excited puppy, quite an unusual sight to behold.

“You like me? I hadn’t noticed.” Remus replied dryly, his voice dripping in his signature sarcasm as a surge of confidence swept through him.

“Moony, I think you’ll find that I do like you. A lot actually, and I would really like to kiss you again.” Sirius said in a much softer voice than he was used to hearing from the boy.

Remus smiled back at him, “I think that can be arranged,” Before leaning back up into a now familiar kiss.

“Prongs, you didn’t even know he was gay, how could you possibly know they liked each other?” Marlene shouted.

“Oh please, I’m not blind.”

For the first time in a while, Remus could say that he was truly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I was Marlene, I too would be madly in love with Dorcas.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius deal figure out their budding relationship, new friendships are formed and feeling are confronted. Just a normal week in the life of the marauders.

Remus woke with a start, his alarm ringing loudly through the room. The sound brought him abruptly from a deep sleep, his mind not quite conscious as he saw a text notification.

_**Pads:** morning handsome ;))_

_**Moons:** morning_

_**Pads:** can I walk you to school?_

Images from the day before flashed through his mind and he briefly thought he was dreaming. It wasn’t the memory of Sirius’s lips on his own that delighted him the most, though of course that did, rather the emotion and beating of his heart. He was truly happy; having to pinch himself to contain it.

_**Moons:** are you outside my house??_

_**Pads:** …  
 **Pads:** ofc_

Smiling to himself, he rolled over into the sheets and groaned softly, bones crackling as he stretched. It took him a fair few minutes to work up the energy to get out of bed, another few to get in the shower and brush his teeth followed by another few to pick an outfit – though it was still the quickest he’d ever gotten ready. He couldn’t help but be excited.

Remus hurried down the stairs, his arms still searching for the holes in his sweatshirt, distracted by every buzz of his phone. His dad would have already left for work, leaving his mother alone in the living room. Throwing his bag over his shoulder, he tried his best to sneak past her rather unsuccessfully.

“Where are you going in such a hurry, darling? Not even saying goodbye.”

Remus winced and turned to his mother, “I’m sorry, I’m meeting someone.”

“It’s quite alright,” She smiled brightly. “It might be a good idea to tie your shoes though.”

As looked down he saw that his shoes were in fact untied, which he fixed and rose to kiss her cheek. “And tell Sirius to put on his jacket, the poor boy looks freezing.”

“I will-“ He paused after registering what she had said. “How did you know it was Sirius?” _Does she know something? I wasn’t ready to tell her yet, this is bad._

“He’s been standing there for half an hour.”

Remus nodded and sighed, “Of course he has. I’ll see you later.”

“Have a nice day!”

With a final goodbye to his mum, he left the house with a skip in his step, slowing it as he approached Sirius. The two smiled giddily at each other, walking side by side until they were out of sight of the house, strangely silent.

“So… did you-, are you-,” Remus stuttered. “Where’s James?”

Sirius took his hands out of his pockets. “At school by now, most likely. He’s really excited by the way.”

“Excited about what?”

“You know, this. Us,” He gestured between them, earning a blush from Remus. They fell back into silence and subconsciously walked closer together, hand brushing slightly. “And I had swimming again, being the captain gives me a lot to live up to.”

Remus questioned him, prompting him to continue. “Every year Coach chooses a new team captain to help everything stay in order, it’s mainly running drills and training younger swimmers. I get a free t-shirt, so that’s a bonus.”

“I thought you said your coach hates you,” He supplied knowingly.

“He does! That’s what was weird about it.”

Remus hummed, feeling courageous enough to deliberately rush his fingers against Sirius’s hands. The contact sent jolts of electricity through his blood. “Well, Captain, I can’t see why that’d be.”

Sirius bumped into his shoulder in mock offence, “Oi! I did not come here to be insulted, this is slander!”

“And what exactly did you come here for?”

“I mean, I’d love to give this a go,” He said hopefully. “If that’s what you want, of course.”

Remus thought for a moment, chewing at his lip lightly. “As in, like, _boyfriends?_ ”

“Yeah, I guess. Boyfriends.” Sirius tried out the new word, nodding to show his approval.

Remus was nowhere near as cool and collected as the long-haired boy, and so struggled to keep his calm, “Cool, yeah, that’s cool, that’s awesome.”

“It’s a long time coming, I’d say.”

That was completely true on Remus’s part, and he cringed remembering what was just a few days ago. He remembered first laying his eyes upon the scraggy boy, his hair at that point being tame and cut short, and the strange desire to be his friend. He remembered denying his feeling for years out of fear, thinking that being afraid of yourself was normal. He remembered having to leave the room every time a girl so much as spoke to Sirius, crying into his pillow at night because he thought he would never have the chance to speak to him in that way.

It was also true on Sirius’s part. He remembered the confusion he felt as the boys and even a few girls around him expressed their attraction to girls, not seeing what they were talking about. He remembered his fascination with how Remus’s tawny hair fell onto his forehead, or was covered by a beanie. He remembered standing bravely in front of him family and confronting what he was feeling, yet he hadn’t been brave enough to back ever since.

James let out a girlish squeal as they showed up to school hand in hand.

~~

“Hey Moony, can I see your answers? I won’t copy them or anything, I just really need to see them before next lesson.” Peter said, leaning over Sirius to peer at Remus’s paper.

“It sounds like you’re going to copy him.”

“I’m not! I swear!”

James chimed in, “If you want to copy him you could just ask, I’m sure he’d let you.”

“I don’t want to copy him!” Peter practically shouted, thanking Remus profusely as he pushed his finished worksheet towards the boy, only doing it because he secretly felt sorry for him.

The sixth form common room was busy with chatter at this time of day. Hectic, yes, but in a peaceful sort of way. Remus glanced out of the window to see orange leaves falling from the trees, a similar coloured October hue in the sky. September had slipped through his fingers rapidly, running away as the next month came. Autumn had always been his favourite season. As he moved his eyes from the window to the boy beside him, it took him a moment to take his boyfriend’s (he still hadn’t taken _that_ in) smile, his fingers tracing patterns on Remus’s knee. It had only been a week, but what a week it had been.

“Hey.”

He pressed his lips together in a smile, “Hi.”

Sirius’s fingers stilled, tightening as his eyes darkened, those caramel brown eyes that he’d spent countless nights thinking about and imagining. Now he knew that the pupils dilated after a long kiss and that they darkened, like now, when he was being mischievous. “So, I heard that the store cupboard was left open…”

“And this is relevant to me how?” Remus had a feeling he knew exactly what was going on, but was elated when he felt Sirius grab his hand, dragging him up out of his chair. “You’ll see.”

With a few protests from Peter, and a startling shout of “Use protection!” from James, he was pulled into said dark cupboard. Sirius flicked the lights on and paused for a second, faces inches away from each other as he breathed out a question of if it was okay, to which Remus responded by crashing their lips together.

It was even more amazing than he remembered. This time his hands went straight to the other’s hair, carding their way through before settling on the nape of his neck the same time as Sirius’s hands found his hips. Sighing gently, he felt as if he was is heaven: and truthfully he wouldn’t mind if he was dead if this is what he got.

Sirius caught his bottom lip between his teeth and spoke quietly, “I’m sorry, I’ve been wanting to do that since this morning.”

Remus laughed slightly, “You don’t need to apologise for kissing me like that” Before leaning forward to peck Sirius’s lips again.

“Kissing my boyfriend.” He reminded, earning another laugh. It still felt so surreal to hear that, and he couldn’t get enough of it. “Speaking of that, I want to take you out.”

“Huh?” Remus chased his mouth, the two kissing for another few minutes before Sirius could answer the question. 

Sirius finally broke away and placed a hand on the other’s shoulder to keep him from distracting him again, knowing that as soon as their lips met everything would melt out of his mind. “Like, to the cinema or something, you deserve a proper first date Moons. Are you free tomorrow night?”

“I thought you had a gala tomorrow night?” Remus said, looping his arms around Sirius’s neck.

He paused to think, “Then you can come to the gala. You don’t have to be there the whole time, just for my last race. Then we can go catch that new Will Smith movie.” Biting the inside of his cheek, he continued. “I’ve always wanted you to see me swim.”

Remus nodded enthusiastically, “Absolutely. I’d love that.”

“Then it’s a date!”

Suddenly, as they leaned back towards each other for another kiss, the door was swung open by James. “As much as I hate to interrupt, because I really do, Peter needs your help with his homework.”

Sirius groaned, “Can’t it wait?”

“Unfortunately not, Pads, however I can assure you that I will give you as much time as you want to snog Moony in the future.” He replied cheerily, followed by an exasperated protest from both boys. As soon as he walked back away from the door, leaving it wide open, Remus leaned forward for one last brief kiss.

“Tomorrow night, gala, a movie.” He said.

Sirius smiled against his lips, “I can’t wait.”

~~

Most of the rest of Sirius’s day was spent staring longingly at the back of Remus’s head, jittering with the thought of a first date. The fact that that was something he could now do was exciting by itself, new and overdue. More than once did someone have to snap their fingers in front of his face to bring him back to reality. The worst of it was that now at tomorrow’s gala not only did he have to worry about impressing his coach and team, but impressing Remus too.

_He’ll be proud of me no matter what, he’s kind like that._

_But what if he’s not?_

“Oi, Black, help me out here,” Marlene said from over the experiment splayed out on the table before them. The two always paired together for chemistry, though they weren’t as close as other people in their friend group. Sirius blamed the fact that they didn’t get much of a chance to interact, considering they were both constantly surrounded by others.

He put his hands up in surrender, “Alright, but keep in mind that last time we did a practical I set my notebook on fire. We weren’t even _using_ fire.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t help then…” Marlene warned with caution. She didn’t think her heart could handle another Sirius Black Catastrophe. 

Nodding silently, he reached inside of his pocket for a pen and began to aimlessly flick it, his mind elsewhere. He watched as Marlene worked hard, the most focused he’d ever seen her, as she mixed some chemicals or other into a beaker. He had no idea what was going on, but would most likely still pass the class. Remus used to tell him that it was so annoying how he could get an A without even opening a book. _My boyfriend._

“Penny for your thoughts?” Marlene offered, hands still busy.

Sirius laughed, “What was your first date with Dorcas like?”

Marlene raised her eyes to look at him, eyebrows shooting up into her hairline, and smirked. “We never really had an official first date, to be honest.” She admitted, “We’d been going out to that Mexican Restaurant she likes for a while before we were dating, and one night, my face stuffed with a burrito, she asked me out.”

“And then what? You combusted on the spot?”

“As much as I deny it, yes,” She chuckled playfully. “Why do you ask?”

Sirius tried to bite back a smile but couldn’t quite hold his glee back. Just thinking about it made him excited, “I may or may not have asked a certain someone out on a date tomorrow night. And I may or may not be nervous as shit.”

Marlene doubled over in teasing laughter that only became harder as Sirius folded his arms across his chest and pouted, “Hey! I’m allowed to be nervous!”

“Of course you are, and I’m allowed to make fun of you for it,” Her gaze softened as Sirius shifted slightly, still ducking his head and smiling. “What’s your plan for this date then, Black? You going to give him flowers and have him home by 10?”

Sirius let his head back and groaned, “Fuck off! He’s coming to see my race then we’re going to the cinema, nothing too big.”

The experiment lay unattended to on their table as Marlene leaned over to him on her elbows, which considering the bubbling of the chemicals was not the best idea. “Ah yes, because watching you swim is so romantic.”

“It might be!” He defended hopelessly.

She sighed, “To be fair, I can’t really judge. Just be yourself, be kind, be charming, be exciting-“

“That’s a lot of different things to be, McKinnon.”

“All I’m saying is to just have fun. He’s already head over heels for you, so it’s not like you have to win him over or anything, I’m sure you’ll do just fine.” Marlene said. She wasn’t the best at giving heartfelt advice, but in that moment she was trying her best. He deserves it, she thought.

Sirius scrunched up his nose, in mock disgust. “Being nice doesn’t really suit you,” She grinned, teeth showing, as soon as he said it. “But thanks, I appreciate it.”

“Yeah, yeah… you can go back to being a little shit now.”

“Thank god, I don’t know how much longer I could’ve lasted.”

~~

Remus waded through the crowd, finding any gap he could just to get to the front. The heat of the swimming pool was almost suffocating, but it was worth it. He was finally watching Sirius do what he was good at. He was finally seeing a part of him that he usually kept hidden from people, yet it was something that defined him. But for all the build up he had given, it wasn’t exactly the magical experience he’d expected. He just hoped he’d gotten there in time.

A long whistle sounded, signalling for silence. A voice over the PA system made itself clear, “This is the final call for the Men’s 15 and over, 200 metre freestyle final. Take your place behind the blocks.”

Entranced, he watched as half a dozen boys, all about the same age as him, made what must have been last minute adjustments to themselves. They all stretched out their broad shoulders and prepared themselves for what was to come. Remus had absolutely no idea what was to come, and so scanned the group for a certain brown-eyed boy. When he did finally find Sirius, he was looking right back at him, long hair tucked into a cap and the shortest speedo he’d ever seen. Remus could have sworn he winked at him before placing his goggles over his nose.

_How can someone look so hot and so adorable at the same time?_

The whistle made 3 short sounds and the boys were stepping onto the block, placing one foot behind the other and holding on for dear life. Even from his distance he could see the muscles in Sirius’s jaw working overtime, face devoid of humour.

“Take your marks,” Someone shouted, followed by a noise Remus didn’t quite recognise and suddenly the boys were in the water. He was taken aback by how quickly it was all happening. Every single one of them kicked and pulled and did everything they could to get ahead, yet they were seemingly unable to beat the figure he now recognise was Sirius. It was astonishing just how in his element he was, not stopping for something as insignificant as a breath. 

He cupped his hands around his face and cheered, “Gwed Sirius! You can do this!”

The moment was so intense, but he couldn’t help but be brought out of it a face. A face with an almost identical structure to Sirius’s but paler and more ill-looking, bonier and thinner. Shorter hair fell into the boys eyes as he too shouted in support.

_Regulus._

_Why is he here?_

And out of nowhere it was over, Sirius was crashing into the wall and pumping his fist into the air. No one else had even come close. As he ripped his hat and goggles off his eyes found Remus’s once again and his triumph only grew. The crowd, along with Regulus and Remus, erupted into glee, a few stray members of other teams sulking at the immense support. High off of his win, Sirius felt as if he was flying when he re-entered the changing room, teammates jumping him.

Frank Longbottom spoke from atop of his shoulders, “Mate, you beat the team record!”

“I did what?” Sirius said disbelievingly. As soon as he’d gotten his time he’d disappeared, not bothering to check the technicalities of it.

“That was incredible!” Fabian applauded, gushing slightly. “How did you it?”

 _Remus,_ he thought. _I did it for Remus._

Time went on uneventfully as Sirius packed as quickly and as soundly as possible, knowing who was waiting for him. In his mind the only person in the entire building who really mattered was Remus; as cheesy and sappy as it sounded. Whilst they’d only been dating for a little over a week, they’d been friends for years, meaning the awkward phase had been skipped over.

“Pads, you were amazing!” Remus said, wrapping him into a tight hug. “I knew you were good, but I didn’t know you were _that_ good.”

“I’m flattered, Rem,” Sirius teased.

He made sound in the back of his throat, arms tightening. “You know what I mean.”

“I do.”

Frank Longbottom came up behind the pair, not surprising considering they were in the middle of the foyer, and clasped Sirius on the back, “Who’s this?”

They looked at each other, then at Frank in short intervals before smiling widely. They hadn’t discussed how they were going to deal with this part of the relationship. The coming out, the PDA, the public front, none of that seemed to matter as Sirius grabbed the freckled boy’s hand and said proudly, “Frank, this is my boyfriend Remus. Re, this is Frank, the best backstroke swimmer I have ever seen.”

“Nice to meet you,” Remus greeted politely.

“That’s a fucking lie and you know it, Cap.” He said simply, stretching his arms above his head. “I’m glad he’s finally got someone to keep him in line, the man’s crazy. You probably know that by now though, huh?”

He tried not to laugh as Sirius punched the boy’s shoulder playfully, “Yeah, I know.”

They stayed to talk for another few moments, joking around and meeting a few other members of his team, until Remus saw Sirius’s head snap in another direction and jaw tense. He immediately started rubbing his thumb across the back of his hand, moving closer into the warmth of his space. As he turned his own head to see what had drawn his attention his sympathy grew and worst dreads were met: Regulus.

“Can… can we go now?” Sirius said, panic dripping from his voice. “We don’t want to miss the movie. Please.”

“Is that what you want?” Remus whispered into his hair. 

Sirius tore his eyes away from his brother and back to the boy by his side, searching his eyes for any kind of comfort or guidance. He was conflicted. One part of him desperately wanted to talk to Regulus, to ask him how he’s doing and if he needed anything. He wanted to be a good older brother, looking out for him and caring for him and giving him everything he needed. But there was another part of him holding him back, the part of him that held all the trauma of his childhood. The part of him that left the house and hadn’t thought about it since.

“I-, I can’t do it right now, Re. I… can we go?” He pleaded, hoping he wouldn’t push it further.

“Of course we can, c’mon.”

It was only a few hours later in the cinema, lights dimmed and a mindless movie playing when Remus could give the boy the comfort he truly needed. Sirius had fallen asleep on his shoulder, as expected considering how hard he’d worked at the gala before, with his boyfriends’ arms around him. It was all silent touches and gestures but for now it was all he could do. He, of course, wouldn’t push him to say anything, but that didn’t stop him from wanting the boy to open up. Perhaps one day he would, but for now all he could do was comfort him in the only ways he could.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween for the marauders is always interesting, but pair that with budding relationships and family drama, it's nothing more than a recipe for trouble

“For the last time, I am not going as Dorothy for Halloween!” Sirius exclaimed.

“Well it’s either me or you, and mum’s already made my tin man costume. It’s sick, by the way.” James pleaded.

Remus put his face in his hands and groaned. The marauders were famous for their group costumes, but they’d been arguing about their plans the whole day. “I told you Wizard of Oz was a bad idea, why can’t we do Scooby-Doo like Peter said?”

“Because Remus, Mary said that Lily said that Scooby-Doo isn’t cool. We have to be cool.” James said, as if he was offended that the other boy didn’t already know. It was truly pathetic, how much he sacrificed for a girl who supposedly didn’t even like him back. “Plus two of us would have to dress as girls, so unless you want to spend the night in an orange turtleneck and a wig, we’re doing Wizard of Oz.”

Gregg’s perhaps wasn’t the best place to discuss their Halloween plans, as firstly, they were surrounded by people they weren’t inviting to their party and secondly, Peter’s mouth was full of pastry. Sirius took one of the many rolls the boy had laying in front of him and took a bite for himself, arms around Remus’s shoulders. “Who’s to say that he wouldn’t be Daphne?”

“’m not being Daphne, or Velma for that matter. I thought we agreed that I’d be Shaggy.”

“More like shag me!” Sirius laughed far too loudly considering they were in a public place. “You’re Daphne, I’m Velma, Peter’s Shaggy and James is Fred. We could even get Lils to be Scooby, if it’s cool enough for her.”

“It’s definitely not.” James said, “I don’t even know why you’re so opposed to Dorothy, I reckon you could pull it off.”

“You’re talking to a taken man here Prongs, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

Remus rolled his eyes but sunk further into Sirius’s arms, relishing in the heat. They’d been together for a little over a month, and it had been the best month of life. Dates, dinners, just spending time together still made his stomach flip. “Well it’s good that I agree with James then, isn’t it?”

Peter finally spoke, the pastries gone from his mouth, “Maybe we should vote on it.”

There was a general hum of agreement on the table, and Peter continued, “All in favour of Scooby-Doo?” Sirius raised his hand, glaring at Remus, obviously trying to get him to do the same. “All in favour of Wizard of Oz?” Everybody except Sirius raised their hand, in fact he defiantly pressed his down into the table.

“Then it’s settled, we get to see Padfoot in heels!” James said excitedly.

“You should be so lucky.”

Remus sighed, jumping in before there was a full out brotherly brawl between the two boys, “Where are we even going? I thought Marlene said she couldn’t host this year.”

“That’s true,” Sirius began. “Which is why we’re going to Mary’s. Who knew that Mary fucking MacDonald was a party animal? The girl who got like, 5 A’s in her exams last year.”

“I can’t tell if that’s an insult or not.” Peter said cautiously. He and Mary had also been steadily dating since September, spending even more time together than before. It was quite rare to see the two apart. 

Sirius laughed, “Well considering our Moony’s grades were even better than that, I’d say it’s not.”

“How the fuck is everyone so smart?” James groaned.

Remus chuckled along with everyone, mostly because he didn’t want to confront it. He himself had no idea how he’d managed to get the grades he’d gotten, but he wasn’t exactly complaining. His mum had bought him a cake and everything.

Peter cleared his throat, standing unceremoniously. “Well, my mum probably wants me back home soon. I’ll see you at Mary’s.” 

They watched as he gathered his things and left with a final wave and smile, followed by James doing the same, “C’mon Pads, mum said we could have the TV today. Finally!”

It didn’t go unnoticed to Remus how Sirius’s face lit up in glee at the mention of Mrs Potter. The smile spread over his face all the way up to his eyes, dimples settling in his cheeks. He was so _happy._ He wished it could always be like that. “You go ahead… me and Re might stay for a bit.”

Remus’s eyebrows shot up, “Will we now?”

“Only if you want.”

He scoffed at the thought that he’d turn down spending time with his boyfriend, yet was secretly delighted that Sirius cared enough to ask the question. James waved them off with a knowing smirk as Remus’s hand was grabbed and dragged out of the bakery. _Excitable puppy._

It was only half an hour later as the two sat atop a hill onlooking the business of the town, their hands threaded between them and the other clutching some cheap brand of chocolate. The crisp Autumn air surrounded them, enclosing them in the comfort and peace of the gradually lowering sun. Remus went to look over at Sirius, only to find him looking right back at him. He smiled.

“You always look at me like that,” Remus started with adoration. “Like I’m worth something, or like I’m precious. I don’t know.”

“You are precious, Moons. For some reason you refuse to admit it, I’m just saying what everybody’s thinking.” Sirius said smugly. It was almost matter-of-factly, like he was so sure and confident in what he was saying.

Remus rolled his eyes, biting back the biggest grin in favour of leaning towards the boy for a sweet kiss. It was brief, but still made his head spin as he broke away drearily, _“Baby.”_

“Baby?” Sirius laughed. He took a strand of Remus’s hair between his two fingers and twirled it absentmindedly. “I like it.”

“You think it’s stupid.”

“I don’t!” He only laughed harder, tackling his boyfriend to the ground despite his loud protests. They fell into each other arms as they rolled over in the grass, smiling wide and chuckling to themselves. “I like it. I really do.”

Remus smiled, still disbelieving but feeling sarcastic enough to comment, “Whatever you say, baby.”

“Fuck, I love it!” Sirius groaned and met his lips in a longer kiss. He licked into his mouth through the smile on his face, hands cupping around the back of his neck. Remus sighed softly as the boy in front of him moved down to his neck ever so softly; leading him to blink up at the sky. Content and _love_ were the only two thoughts running through his mind.

_I can’t love him already, can I? Isn’t it too soon?_

“Sirius-, you do know we’re, shit, we’re in public.” His thoughts were incoherent with the feather-light brush of lips just below his jaw.

Sirius pulled away slowly with one last peck to Remus’s lips, pausing for a moment to drink in his features. He bit his lip in a manner that could only be considered seductive. “I apologise, your majesty.” That earned him a punch to the shoulder. “We could go back to your house, if you want. Would your mum mind?”

Remus considered it, before deciding, “It’s probably best if we stay here, unless you want to answer about a million questions about everything she can think of.”

“I really don’t mind-“

“I know that,” He cut him off, drawing his eyes back to the view in front of him. Truth be told, he thought the real view was Sirius. “I just don’t think I could handle it. When I’m out to her, maybe. Or whenever she’s not in.”

Sirius nodded to show he understood and followed Remus’s gaze. “What about James’s house then? Sometimes I think mum loves us more than she loves James.”

“To be fair, can you really blame her?”

He shoved Remus’s chest and barked that beautiful laugh that was so often heard falling from his lips. “I’m telling Prongs you said that!”

“I’d like to see you try.” Remus teased lightly, thus ensuing another tackle to the ground. He hid his face in the collar of Sirius’s jacket to stifle his laugh. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have found someone he could be so open with, someone that would listen happily to every one of his minor inconveniences or whims. Suddenly, his thoughts drowning out reality, the atmosphere around them became a lot sadder, more gentile. “You call Mrs Potter mum.”

“Well noticed.”

Remus put a hand to his heart in mock offence, “I was just wondering what is was about, that’s all. It’s not exactly like the time you called McGonagall mum by accident, is it?”

Sirius whined in protest at the mention of that infamous incident, protesting that the boys promised to never mention it again. The exact details were largely unknown, but it was held above his head to torment him playfully nonetheless. “I’ve been staying with them since… well you know, I guess it’s just become a habit. At least she’s better than my actual mother.” He laughed bitterly.

Remus’s lips thinned out as he asked cautiously, “Have you spoken to Regulus since we saw him?” After saying it he realised how it could have come off. “Not that… Never mind, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, no, it’s okay. It’s…” Sirius trailed off, hands clutching at Remus’s waist as if trying to steady himself. “Short answer, no I haven’t.”

Remus made a sympathetic noise, “Do you want to speak to him?”

_I’m over-stepping. I shouldn’t have brought it up._

“Of course I do, to be honest I just don’t know how. He’s so far away, you know? And he’s still in that fucking house and I just-“ Sirius sighed in frustration and hung his head, a small smile still determined to stay put on his lips. 

Bringing the dark-haired boy to his chest, Remus tried his best to reassure him. “There’s no pressure to do anything, Pads. Find him whenever you’re ready, whether that’s tomorrow or in a month.”

“I know.” Sirius said quietly. “It’s just… a lot. What would I even say?”

“Whatever you need to, baby.”

~~

Sirius wasn’t exactly sure what he’d been expecting when he’d asked Regulus to come meet him in the park near the Black house. Memories of his childhood flashed through his mind, being in that park, playing with his little brother without a care in the world. He wondered when everything had started to get so messed up, and if it could ever be like it was. For now he would just have to take Remus’s advice and talk to him. Say whatever he needed to.

“Do you remember that game we used to play? The castle one? We’d stay here all day waiting for the climbing frame to be free and then pretend it was our castle, like we were in charge.” A familiar voice said coming up beside him.

“Reg-”

“No, no, let me.” Regulus insisted, taking in a deep breath to steady his nerves. “I hope your happy.”

Sirius spoke slightly louder than his brother, temper rising at the surprising change in tone, “What?”

“You finally got what you wanted, didn’t you? You’ve never liked it there, even when we were kids and everything was fine, you still weren’t happy. Well congratulations, you won. You _fucking won_ and now you never have to go back. Some of us aren’t that lucky.” The last words were almost spat, ended with a bite of bitterness. His face was drained of colour, jaw set defiantly.

“Nothing was ever ‘fine’ about that house and you know it. How the hell was I supposed to stay?” Sirius replied through gritted teeth.

“You’re asking someone who did have to stay, you do know that right?”

Sirius looked at his brother face on for the first time in weeks, examining it closely and seeing the nerve that had been struck paint itself visibly. His heart filled with sympathy, but his head still maintained his anger. He couldn’t understand the position Regulus was in. He could _never_ understand the position Regulus was in.

“I always knew you were selfish.” Regulus turned away from the close eyes.

Sirius stepped forward, fingers pointing into his brother’s chest to emphasise his point, “You can’t call me fucking selfish for caring about myself, okay! I’m sorry, I am so, _so sorry,_ for leaving you there, Reg. I’m trying to make it better, I really am, but if you’re going to stand there and call me selfish and tell me I shouldn’t have done it then you can leave. Right now.”

Regulus was quiet for a few moments before turning back and muttering a short “Sorry.”

The two fell away from each other in a silent truce, eyes flicking over the park in front of them. So many memories, all of which dear to each of their hearts. “How can I help you?”

“I don’t know if you can.” Regulus replied honestly, fighting back the welling of tears. “It’s not as simple as just leaving, Sirius.” He didn’t even realise that that was the first time he’d said that name in weeks.

Sirius pulled down the cuffs of his jacket, “There’s always room for you at the Potter’s.”

“Not bloody likely.”

“Is that why the first thing James asked me when I went there is if you were with me?”

Regulus huffed, running a hand through his hair in a similar manner to Sirius’s own nervous gesture. It was a known fact that he didn’t really like his brother’s friends, which only made him more suspicious of James Potter’s sudden interest in his well-being. “Mother will be wondering why I’m not home already, I best go.”

“’m not stopping you.” Sirius fished his phone out of his pocket and clicked it on, seeing a few unopened messages from Marlene and Remus when an idea came to his mind. “Text me if you need anything, whenever you feel like it. I don’t think dear Mother could manage to police who you’re talking to.”

After a hum of agreement from Regulus, he continued, “You could come to Mary’s Halloween party as well, I remember how much you used to love dressing up.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Just think about it.” Sirius pleaded, hands pressed together. “I’ll text you the details.”

Before he knew what he was doing, he pulled his brother into what was at first a casual hug, which then turned into a tight embrace. The tears that had been building in Regulus’s eyes spilled slowly as he held onto Sirius tighter than he’d ever held anyone, hooking his chin over his shoulder. Maybe he would go to this Halloween party, if it meant getting away from his Mother and closer to the only member of his family he truly cared for.

~~

October 31st was a night that for many meant dressing up, eating sweets and having youthful fun. For others it was more about the parties, drinking and drugs and all things that would be regretted in the morning. For the marauders however, most popular people in the school, resident trouble-makers, why couldn’t they have both?

“Oi Pete, stop eating all the snacks! The rest of us want to eat too.” Remus could hear James shout over the noise of the music blasting through the house.

“Leave the man be, Prongs. If he wants to stuff his face on mini-sandwiches who are we to stop him?” Sirius reasoned, taking one between his fingers and holding it up to Remus’s mouth. The boy sighed, rolling his eyes, but took the food that was offered to him nonetheless.

_He’s cheesy. Good to know._

James took his attention away from Peter and towards the affection couple, smiling brightly, “Aw, you guys are too cute.” They groaned at that, before he muttered, “Me and Evans could have that, but she has to go around calling me ‘arrogant’, ‘self-centred’ and ‘the biggest prick she’s ever seen’. What’s she even on about?”

“I stand behind that!” Lily said from somewhere in the living room.

It was quite hard for Remus to take the scene in front of him seriously, considering everyone had dressed as beloved characters. Sirius had gone as far as to tie his hair up in two pigtails, red ribbons in tow, and wear one of Marlene’s blue dresses (with shorts underneath it, he’d assured everyone). He looked _good._ Remus had never thought he’d think that about someone in a Dorothy costume. For a moment he forgot that he could now do something about it, but before long he was stepping forward and taking the boy in his arms.

Sirius let out a surprised laugh, “Hi.”

“Hey.”

“You want another mini-sandwich? You should probably have some now before they’re gone.”

“I’m good.”

The two stayed like that for a few moments, basking in each others' embrace peacefully. They had already been such good friends that this felt natural and comfortable. It was sweet, a little excessive, but after pining for so long it was almost necessary to be close as often as possible. _Making up for lost time._ Remus noticed Sirius glance at the door worriedly, and so asked “Waiting for someone?”

Sirius’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, “You could say that, yeah.”

Remus gave him a concerned look, shifting so that his arms fell loosely around they boy’s waist, “Who? I thought everyone was already here.”

Looking into the tawny-haired boy’s eyes, he thought for a moment. He’d invited Regulus without telling anyone, not even Mary, and it wasn’t exactly as if he was friends with anyone there. “Don’t worry about it, they’re probably not coming anyway.”

“Hey, hey,” Remus said as Sirius went to turn away from his embrace. Putting together the pieces in his mind, it was all much clearer than it had been, “It’s not Regulus, is it?”

“It doesn’t matter,” The boy dismissed. “Let’s just have a good time.”

With a final caring look at each other, Sirius trying his best to reassure the other, the two moved into the party and separated reluctantly to spend their time equally between most of the people there. Remus found Lily and Dorcas, talking excitedly about some book or other over the fireplace and found himself joining them in conversation. He couldn’t help but notice Dorcas’s strange costume: a furry blue jacket and eyes painted onto a hat.

“I thought you and Marlene were doing a couple’s costume,” He prompted gently. “No offence or anything, but what the hell is this supposed to be?”

She smiled, “I’m the cookie monster, obviously. Marlene is Elmo.”

“Because they’re such a famous couple.” Lily said amusedly, arms folded across her chest.

“Of course.”

Sirius had found the other half of the strange couple, along with James, and the three were discussing the latest football match. He himself didn’t care much for the sport, favouring swimming far more, but watching his friends animatedly replay it was entertaining on it’s own.

“Did you see that penalty though!” Marlene exclaimed. “Sirius, what did you think?”

Startled and confused, he simply replied with the first thing that came to his mind after listening to their discussions, “It was ludicrous, yeah.”

“You’ve said that about everything, mate.” James laughed.

“Fuck.”

As they continued to talk and gossip, Sirius found his eyes flicking over the room to find Remus, deep in his own conversation. He was hit with a wave of emotion, of love, as he watched the way his hands moved as he made his point and the curls of his hair bounced as his head nodded to something Lily had said. This only grew as Remus met his eyes and sent him the most dazzling grin, causing Sirius to swoon slightly.

Peter was off somewhere else in the house, most likely damaging things and making Mary run after him; James was talking everyone’s ear of; Regulus couldn’t even show up to the party in the first place but the only boy that mattered to Sirius in that moment was the one he was looking at. The boy he was in love with. And suddenly, just looking at him, the rest of the world fell away and it was just the two of them. Just for a moment, it could be like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say hi to me on tumblr @siriuslyblack12 :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Marlene's birthday, but not everyone is as happy.

Remus watched as his fingers drummed along the table, seemingly separate from his own mind and body. Dinner with the Lupin family usually passed uneventfully, some light chatter and praise of whomever cooked the meal, and tonight was no exception. Or so was to be thought. Aimlessly poking his food with his fork, Remus racked his brain for something to say, anything that would shift his focus from the heaviness of his heart. He’d been on and off about this plan all day, but he was finally going through with it. Maybe.

He was going to come out to his parents.

He had no idea how, but he was.

“The neighbours’ cats have been in the garden again, walked all over the flowers and everything.” Mr Lupin looked up from over the meal in front of him to see his son, quiet as a mouse, “How come you’re not eating, Re? You alright?”

“I’m just not that hungry.” Remus admitted.

His parents gave each other a look, a look that was common between the two when dealing with their son’s habits. They knew they had to help him, but they also had come to realise that the only way to do that was to make him feel comfortable. “I’ll get you some chocolate when I go to the shops after tea, how does that sound?”

“Thank you,” Remus muttered gratefully, running a hand through his hair. 

And it continued like that whilst the meal slowly came to an end, warm yet distant conversation. The only thoughts in his head were doubts, anxieties, worries and negativity, not a hint of the positive outlook he occasionally had took (one he had to take, considering who he was friends with). Memories of his father making homophobic jokes when Remus was too young to know any better were there too. An offhanded comment every now and again, a scowl at two men holding hands down the street.

_He’s your father, he’ll learn to understand._

_But what if he doesn’t?_

“Re, darling, are you sure everything’s alright?” He could hear his mother say vaguely.

His head snapped up defiantly, “Yeah… yeah, I’m fine.” The dismissive tone only made Mrs Lupin tilt her head, kind eyes studying Remus’s face. He was so unbelievably flustered that what he said next took a few minutes to get out, “Actually, mum and dad, can I-, can I talk to you about something?”

His mother smiled, “Of course. Take your time, love.”

Remus cleared his throat, though it came out as more of a violent cough. His cutlery was placed onto the table shakily as he gathered his nerves, pushing his plate away from him as to have no distractions. Even his father had abandoned his food to give his full attention. “Well, it’s not a big deal… well, it is but-, it doesn’t change anything.”

He took another deep breath, before continuing with the gentle prompts of his parents. “I know that you love me no matter what, and this really doesn’t change anything. It’s just something I’ve wanted to say for a while, and recently it’s been more important to me-” He smirked subtly at the thought. “You both know Sirius, right?”

“After he was here most of summer, yeah we know him.” Mr Lupin supplied.

“Well, yeah. It’s just that he’s…” His eyes closed for a second, savouring his last moments before it was said. The last moments before everything would be out into the open, and there would be no secrets between them. “He’s my boyfriend.”

His father’s face didn’t move, “What?”

“I’m bisexual, dad. I like girls and boys. I like _Sirius._ ”

Without a moment of hesitation, Mrs Lupin burst out of her chair to wrap her son in a tight hug, tripping slightly over the table but getting there nonetheless. She pressed kisses all over his face, holding it between her arms as she laughed wetly. Remus was taken aback but hid that surprise with his face pressed into her jumper. “I’m so proud of you, love, so proud. The only thing it changes is that Sirius needs to come over for tea one night, yeah?”

“Hope, calm down,” Mr Lupin warned.

“Re, you’re so brave, _so_ brave.” She praised, ignoring her husband. “We love you, we always have, we always will. How long have you known?”

Mrs Lupin released Remus from her hold on him but pulled her chair to sit right in front of him and hold his hands. “I think for a couple of years-”

“What?” Mr Lupin interrupted rudely. “We’re just supposed to except this that quickly?”

Time seemed to stand still as Remus processed what he had said. He didn’t even bother to look in his father’s direction, instead staying with his eyes burned into his mother. She made an offended noise, “Lyall, come on now.”

“Back in my day that wasn’t even a real thing, you’re just confused.” He shook his head dismissively and continued with the food on his plate, the only one still doing so. “And there’s no need to drag the Black boy down into that with you. He’s a good kid, good with girls.”

Remus didn’t even realise what he was saying before it came tumbling from his mouth, but couldn’t bring himself to regret it once it did, “It’s a shame he’s gay then, isn’t it?”

“You’re seventeen! How can you know that?”

His mother’s grip on his hands hadn’t released itself and was now serving as a tether to reality. The only thing keeping him steady. “We were younger than that, Lyall.”

“Well we’re not shirt-lifters, are we!” He shouted rather uncharacteristically, before settling back down into his seat. “Re, you know I love you, but you can’t expect me to just… _accept_ this.”

As soon as he heard it, Remus raised from his chair and walked hazily out of the room, unable to bear his father’s judgement. He could vaguely hear his mother calling out to him, but his ears were ringing with realisations going through his head. It burned with the pressure. _He doesn’t accept me. He doesn’t love me. Not anymore._

 _Stop thinking like that._ Another voice in his head jumped in, Sirius’s voice. _It’s not going to help._

He stumbled into his bedroom, much more gracefully than before with the added confidence that the thought of Sirius brought him. His hand reached for his phone and he pulled it out- his eyes lingering on Sirius’s contact. I can’t bother him with this. It’s going well, we don’t need this. But before his pessimism could get to him, he sent the other boy a simple snapchat, a blank picture with the words “I told my parents”. Nervous yet relieved, Remus fell back onto his bed to wait impatiently for his boyfriend’s reply.

Seconds slipped into minutes as time passed slower than he thought possible. For the third time that night his thoughts started to spiral, negativity overcoming him while his rational thoughts grasped at straws, trying to keep him afloat. Luckily, he was startled out of his own head by the sharp melody of his ringtone. 

Scrambling to pick it up, his clumsy limbs must have knocked over most of his night stand in the process, but once it was in his hand he pressed accept. The hazelnut brown of Sirius’s eyes through FaceTime already made him feel better. They sat in silence for a moment, until the boy before him spoke softly, “How’d it go, baby?”

“I-, um, not so good.” He stuttered, hoping Sirius would understand somehow. One of those telepathic things that couples could do. “My dad…”

“I’m so sorry, god Re, that’s awful. I swear I’ll kill him if I have to.”

Remus let out a breath that he didn’t know he’d been holding. “You don’t have to, he’ll come around, I know he will. He’s just surprised, that’s all.” Sirius nodded along as he spoke. “My mum was really good, you know her, she’s really excited that it’s you as well.” He chuckled at that.

“I’ve always loved you mum,” Sirius began. “How is she?”

“She’s fine, she’s great. I-, she wants you to come over for tea one night. Maybe.” He replied slowly.

“I’d love that baby, I really would.” They both smiled giddily at each other, the tawny-haired boy not quite as happily as he usually would.

Three soft knocks sounded on his door, and he looked to see his mum stood in the doorway. Remus hurried through his goodbyes, assuring Sirius that he was okay and that they’d speak later, before being wrapped in a tight embrace; his chin hooked over her shoulder, relishing in the comfort.

 _It’ll be okay,_ he thought. _It’s going to be okay._

~~

“C’mon Moons, you just need to stop worrying about it. What’s done is done, you know?”

They were all sat on their lunch table, James and Peter making conversation with the girls but now seemingly more concerned with their friend. Sirius’s arms lay across Remus’s shoulders, tighter than usual but the latter was grateful for the change. His anxiety had been getting much worse of late, and his dad was only fueling the fire. He couldn’t even meet his sons’ eyes that morning, the exact opposite of how he would have acted before. Before everything changed. _Before I ruined it._

“Re, I can practically hear you thinking right now.”

“Sorry, sorry,” He murmured quietly.

The arm around his shoulders only tightened as he leaned his head back onto Sirius’s chest, smiling slightly, but not quite widely enough.

“We can’t have our Moony feeling like shit now can we,” James interjected far too cheerfully. “He needs something… a distraction.”

Marlene quirked her head to one side, the curls of her blonde hair falling along with it. “In case any of you idiots forgot, it’s my birthday on Monday and my parents are out this weekend. I was thinking of throwing a little get together.” She paused, before adding slyly, “Invitation only, of course.”

“And we’re just hearing about this now!” James said in mock offence, before turning to Remus and asking his opinion.

“I’m not so sure a party is the best idea, we only had one last week.” He replied sheepishly.

“It won’t be a party. Just us and some friends, we’ll have fun.” Marlene encouraged, nodding to the others for some back up.

There was a general hum of agreement, until the only voice he truly cared about voiced itself. “I have to agree with Marlene, babe. It’ll be good to get your mind off things, even if it’s only for a night.” Sirius seemed as though he was convincing himself too.

Their eyes met for the briefest of moments, Remus scanning his eyes for any hidden intention, but he couldn’t find it.

Maybe it would be nice to let loose and be a teenager for once.

~~

“For the last time, we’re not playing never have I ever, we’re not 12 years old!” Marlene rolled her eyes.

“C’mon, Marls, it’s not like we have anything else to do.”

She looked over at James from where he’d spoken from the chair next to her and got up to punch him in the shoulder, “It’s not my fault you’re all boring.”

Shouts of praise sounded all around the living room they were all sat in, various people on the floor with no space left on any furniture. Turns out 8 people struggle to fit comfortably in a 3-person space. Sirius was one of the unlucky ones, sitting cross-legged on the floor, leaning his back against Remus’s legs. Raising his drink to his lips (non-alcoholic, Marlene’s parents had made her swear not to get people drunk whilst they were away) he smiled, “There’s no harm in never have I ever, McKinnon.”

“As if you have a say, Black.” Marlene side-eyed him. “What does your boyfriend think?”

Sirius put more of his weight against the boy in question, tilting his head back to look at him square in the face, “What does he think?” He prompted playfully.

“I think,” Remus said lazily, playing with Sirius’s head of hair and scanning the room. To his left, James was sat, his legs across Lily’s lap. She seemed to have no objections, leading Remus to wonder if they’d finally gotten their shit together. To his right, Peter was in an armchair, knees to his chest, oblivious to the people around him; with Mary in the other armchair across the room. Marlene and Dorcas were both on the floor, deep within each other’s personal space in a tangle of limbs and love. Remus continued, “That we’re a little past the point of being too old for things. Remember when you made us have a Tinkerbell marathon?”

“That was ironic!” Marlene threw her arms up exasperatedly. “I don’t actually like them. It was a good laugh.”

“Is that why you cried when her wings tore?” Someone interjected.

Marlene fell against Dorcas’s shoulder, as if they hadn’t been sat close enough already, “Remind me again why I’m friends with any of you.”

They all erupted in laughter, sharing fond smiles and nudging each other. James took his legs from Lily’s lap and turned to face the girls on the floor, smiling just like everyone else as he spoke cheerily, “Whatever, unless you have any more complaints, I’ll start. Rules are simple: put a finger down if you’ve done it. Never have I ever…” He combed one hand through his messy hair, the other one stroking his chin as he thought, “…been arrested.”

When nobody put a finger down, Mary jumped in, “I do not believe that for a second! Sometimes I wonder how you boys even got your reputations.”

The boys shrugged, eyeing each other innocently as Lily jumped in before anything else could be said, “Alright then, never have I ever gotten drunk.”

“Y’all are liars, I swear,” Mary huffed, putting a finger down as Remus, Sirius, James and Marlene did the same. Surprise was directed at Dorcas, who hid behind her hair to brush it off. She took the attention away from it as she said, “Ok, ok, my turn. Never have I ever had sex.” 

Various people barked shouts of disagreement, utterly shocked that she would ask such a thing. “That’s not very PG of you, Miss Meadowes!” Sirius said in a rather inaccurate impression of McGonagall. She put her own finger down proudly, followed by a pink-cheeked Marlene from beside her. James did the same, to the surprise of absolutely no one in the room. Surveying the couple to his right, he became suddenly curious, “I’d have thought Padfoot and Moony would be all over each other by now, surely.”

Remus blushed profusely, looking down at Sirius to avoid the looks of the people around him. They hadn’t talked about the subject before, neither of them making any moves to take the relationship further than they had. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of it before, hadn’t wanked to the very thought of it but it was far too soon, and definitely not the right time. Thinking about it was enough… for the time being.

Sirius coughed loudly, “And I’d have thought you’d stop being a dick after Primary School, but alas, we were both wrong.”

James threw his middle finger up, his eyebrows and the corner of his mouth both raised slightly. “Whatever, what about Mary and Wormy? You guys not done anything yet either?”

Remus looked over at Peter to see him in a similar red-faced state to what he’d been a few moments prior just as he looked over at his girlfriend for guidance. She shrugged, “Alright, stop perving on other people’s sex lives, people are going to think you’re creepy or something.”

“We couldn’t have that, could we?” He responded snarkily.

The game continued similarly for a while, various people asking various questions that invaded their privacy far too much. They’d always been an open group of friends, nothing to hide or keep from the others and they took pride in that. Not many people could say that. 

“Never have I ever liked women!” Sirius declared brashly, followed by eyerolls and groans from practically everyone.

“Now you’re playing dirty, Pads.” James chastised. “Never have I ever liked men.”

Sirius shook his head. “I’m sure you’ve had you’ve had your fair share of gay thoughts in the past, Prongs. You’re friends with Moony, for fucks sake, you’re straight but you’re not blind.” 

He looked up at Remus with both loving and giddy eyes, expecting a him to be angry at the compliment. Instead, he was given a pointed look and an affectionate ruffle of his hair, Remus ignoring the delighted noise he made and grin he wore. This served as a distraction from whatever James was saying, just staring at his boyfriend in awe. _How did I find someone so willing to put up with my bullshit?_

Remus had a similar thought himself, _Why am I so willing to put up with his bullshit?_

“Just for the record,” James had gotten up from his seat to get another drink, and talked from behind the door, “I haven’t ever thought of Moony that way, but I see where you’re coming from.”

“Oi! You’ll pay for that!” Sirius got up and run after him.

 _He may be an idiot,_ Remus thought fondly. _But he’s my idiot._

~~

A little while later, as the end of the night rapidly approached, the usually rowdy group of friends was quiet with tiredness and subdue, getting ready to leave. Outside was a beautiful sunset, oranges and reds and yellows like a perfect painting: picturesque, almost. Anybody looking in would assume the same, the perfect group of friends on a perfect night. _They couldn’t be more wrong,_ Remus thought, partially self-hating but also more watching the idiots in front of him. He was cuddled into Lily’s side, both laughing as James and Sirius took turns in a game of charades. Somehow, it was entertaining.

“Okay, okay, TV, 2 words,” Sirius stumbled as James acted it out over-exaggeratedly. “Hannah Montana! You’re obsessed with that show!”

“I haven’t even started yet, Pads.”

Sirius waved him off, “Was I wrong though?”

James looked once at him, then at Remus and Lily on the sofa, before sighing and throwing himself on the floor, “You’re no fun.”

Prompting Sirius expectedly, they hollered as he rose and took James’s place standing in the middle of the room. He made a few unidentifiable gestures, more like flailing his arms and contorting his face when the room was blank. Remus smiled, entranced and enthralled, as he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to meet a nervous-looking Peter, chewing his lip and wringing his fingers. “Can you help me with…the um, the Birthday cake?” He whispered.

“Of course,” He said, suspicious at his tone but following him through to the kitchen.

Mary called out from where she was deep in conversation with Marlene and Dorcas, “Are you alright?”

He nodded quickly and unconvincingly, pulling at Remus’s hand to take them both out of the room, breathing heavily. Remus checked to see that no one was had followed them, and leaned forward, “Pete, mate, what’s up? I know it’s not the cake.”

“It’s nothing, I just wanted to talk to you about something.” He took another deep breath, composing himself before tilting his head away. He avoided the other’s eyes as he said, “You said that you and Sirius haven’t had sex yet, yeah?”

“Peter, I swear to god-”

“ _Remus,_ just hear me out. Please,” He pleaded, hands clasping together. Remus’s face softened slightly, still unsure of what was going on but asking him to continue. “It’s just that I know Mary wants to, like, really wants to, and I just…”

He groaned, his frustration with himself and the situation apparent. Remus could guess what he was going to say but wasn’t going to take the moment away from him. Peter continued, “I’ve never really thought about it to be honest. I mean, I have, I sat in all those sex ed lessons and stuff but… I don’t get it! I don’t want to do it! And I know that Mary’s only waiting for me to be ready, but I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. God, I sound so stupid, don’t I?”

“You don’t sound stupid, Pete.” He smiled in understanding and support. “Have you heard of asexuality?”

“What?”

“Asexuality,” He repeated slowly, sounding out every syllable. “It’s when you don’t experience sexual attraction. It’s completely normal, actually quite common.”

Peter’s face turned from one of embarrassment to one of pure shock and intrigue, eyes wide and shining. His mouth gaped. Laughing slightly, Remus continued, “It’s like a whole spectrum, some people are completely opposed to sex, other people like kissing and stuff but nothing further. Have you never heard of it before?”

“I thought I was broken.” Peter whispered, causing Remus to make a sad noise in the back of his throat. Whilst he didn’t personally relate to the experience, he could at least show his sympathy. He’d remembered reading about it when he was researching his own identity, desperately filling out ‘What’s my sexuality’ quizzes as he grasped at the support this anonymous online community gave him. _Support that Dad doesn’t give me._

_He will… eventually._

“It’s also something that you should consider discussing with your girlfriend, you know. Whenever you’re ready.”

“I know, I know, I just didn’t want to disappoint her.” Peter admitted honestly and quietly. A surge of sadness burst through Remus’s bones as he listened to what Peter had said. They both knew that Mary would accept him, but he supposed that paranoia was a part of the coming out experience.

Before he could give any consolation, Sirius and James burst into the kitchen, “Alright mates, dad’s threatening to get a takeaway without us if we’re not home soon so we best be off.”

Sirius walked over to where Remus was leaning against the counter and brought him in for a bruising kiss. “How was it tonight, love?”

“Great, thanks for doing this.” He ducked sheepishly.

James threw his head back and made a vomiting noise, “As much as I’d like to stay here and watch you two snog for the rest of the night, we really have to go.”

~~

It was only a few minutes later as James and Sirius made their way down the street to the Potter’s house, pitch black with an evening breeze, both kicking at pebbles and humming to themselves. It was most likely a song that had been overplayed in the summer, or a Christmas tune that they couldn’t wait to be relevant again. James looked over at his friend, pushing his glasses further up his nose, “Do you think Remus is going to be okay?”

Sirius sighed sadly, “Sure, yeah, it’s just hard right now. He’ll have forgot all about it by tomorrow, I bet.”

“Is that what you did?”

A stray pebble was kicked in James’s direction as soon as he said it. “Can we please go back to talking about your shitty love life. What was with you and Evans, huh? Snuggling up to each other, I thought she hated you.”

“She probably still does.” James came to stand in front of Sirius to stop them, head leaning in close. He clearly wanted to reassure him but was drowned out by the sound of a phone buzzing in Sirius’s pocket. “I know you don’t like to talk about it, but Regulus will come around. He’s just scared.”

But Sirius didn’t answer, staring at whatever his phone was showing. “What? What is it?”

_**Reg:** I’m sorry I wasn’t at the Halloween party.  
 **Reg:** Mum and dad are spending the weekend at the house in Scotland, you could come round and stay in your old room.  
 **Reg:** Call me when you can._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all my aromantics and asexuals out there, you're loved and supported !


	9. Chapter 9

“Pads, Pads c’mon, we have to talk about this.”

He groaned.

“You can’t just ignore it forever,”

Another groan.

“Sirius, baby, I know this is hard for you and you don’t know how to deal with it but if you just let me help we could do it together, yeah? Please let me help you.”

Sirius went to groan once again but this time just sighed softly in defeat. He and Remus were sat on the latter’s bed, snacks that Mrs Lupin had brought them long discarded and sheets askew. Sirius was yet to respond to the messages he’d gotten from his brother the night before, which was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that he hadn’t had to confront it, but a curse in that he couldn’t help but stress over it. Regulus was all he could think about as he lay face down on his boyfriend’s bed, clothes and hair askew.

He lifted his head to look at Remus, smiling at the way his curls fell down onto his forehead, “What is there to talk about? He wants me to go stay at the house I ran away from, there’s nothing to even consider. I’m not doing it.”

“I know, I know,” Remus leaned forward to cup Sirius’s face in his hands, forcing his eyes to stay on him, “But he reached out to you, he hasn’t done that before. You’ll have to talk to him at some point.”

Sirius didn’t reply in favour of capturing the boy’s lips in a long kiss. It was gentle, as if both were afraid that the other would break as they fisted each other’s t-shirts to bring them closer together. Remus moved his head to the side with a bitten back smile, causing Sirius’s lips to fall on his cheek as he was still in the trance. He snorted quietly.

“I for one think that my time would be better spent kissing you, unless you any objections…” Sirius trailed off suggestively.

“You’re an idiot.”

Despite that, Remus gave him the shortest of pecks to the forehead. “What does that make you then? The idiot’s boyfriend?”

Remus spoke breathlessly, “Something like that, yeah.” 

When their lips met again, everything in the world seemed to fall into right into place. The stars aligned, the planets shone brightly, the two of them together where they belonged. Sirius could feel Remus’s eyelashes flutter shut against his cheek and hand come up to grip his jacket. If he didn’t have something to hold onto he would probably combust on the spot, but he abandoned that thought in favour of living in the moment. 

Sirius sighed into his mouth as he pulled away, “You’re too good at that,”

“You think?” Remus laughed tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear. It was a little exasperated, coming out in a much higher pitch than his usual tenor.

“It’s a wonder I get anything done,” Sirius pressed a kiss to one cheek, then the other. “When you’re sat there,” A kiss to his nose this time, “Looking like that.”

Remus couldn’t control the blush that rose on his cheeks, “’m nothing compared to you.”

“Nonsense!” His boyfriend practically shouted, making Remus have to put a hand over his mouth to stop his mum from hearing and coming in. “You’re literally the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, babe. I’m in second, of course, but you’re like… unreal.”

Rolling his eyes, Remus was hit with a wave of emotion and gratitude for Sirius. He didn’t exactly agree with him, but every compliment did something to his heart. Maybe if he heard it enough he’d begin to believe it himself, but he couldn’t see that happening anytime soon. Sirius Black is vain, Remus Lupin is not, that’s the gospel truth.

“You could come with me,” Sirius supplied rather unhelpfully, hand wading through Remus’s hair. “Stay over at the house with me, at least then I wouldn’t have to talk to Reg on my own.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I don’t want to get in the way or anything-” Panic snuck into his voice as he questioned him, they’d never slept over before. There was a part of himself telling him that Sirius just needed the comfort, but another part saying that they weren’t at that stage in the relationship.

“No, no, you wouldn’t be in the way. I can’t go there alone, Re, I just can’t. There’s a double bed in my own room so there’s plenty of room and everything.” 

He hesitated slightly, before replying, “Yeah, okay, I’ll stay with you. But if at any point you need to be alone with Reg then I understand, just tell me, okay?”

Sirius surprised him with a kiss, one full of happiness and hope and promise. “Thank you so much.”

“I’m just doing my job as the idiot’s boyfriend, after all.”

The pillow that met his face second later did not come as much of a surprise.

~~

Lily looked over at Remus from over her book, the library table between them littered with pens and notebooks long abandoned. Marlene was sat by her side, her phone open and hidden under the table away from the peering eyes of the librarian as she laughed at whatever was on the screen. He’d just finished telling them, like an excited little girl, of his weekend plans with Sirius, a smile etched on to his face which quickly dissolved. “You do realise he wants to shag, right?”

Lily’s words made him scoff, “What? What are you talking about?”

“Think about it,” She began patiently, her elbows folded over her book, “You’ve been dating for a couple of months now, you’ve never slept over at each other’s house before and suddenly he asks you to stay over for a whole weekend. In his bed.”

Marlene clicked her phone off, placing it gently on the table and laughing slightly, “She’s got a point.”

“No she doesn’t!” Their stares burned into him, weighing him down as he tried to argue further. “Why would he invite me to comfort him in a house he hates to talk to his brother and shag as soon as he’s not looking?”

“Don’t ask me.” Lily said dismissively, eyebrows raised. His mind reeled as he considered what she was saying. If, and only if, they were right and that was Sirius’s plan then he was about to lose his virginity to the boy he loved, about to experience something that he would remember most likely for the rest of his life. It scared him a little, thinking about being so open and vulnerable even if it was with someone whom he trusted more than life itself. He’d be under scrutiny, criticism, judgement, Sirius could hate what he saw; but at the same time, sharing himself with him gave an unexpected rush through his bones.

“He wants to shag me.” Remus stated with disbelief.

Lily looked over at Marlene, then back at Remus, “I thought we’d already established that.”

“Well I hadn’t.” He squeaked. “What am I supposed to do? Why didn’t he say anything? We haven’t even talked about it, and it’s not like the gay stuff is taught in school. I’m gonna be rubbish.”

“I’m not sure a lesbian and a straight girl are the best to talk about the technicalities of gay sex with,” Marlene said with a laugh. She shrugged, “Just do what you’re comfortable with, Re. And talk to him. Don’t be afraid to tell him what you like.”

He groaned, pressing his head down into his hands out of embarrassment. It wasn’t exactly the most appropriate conversation to have in the middle of a library.

“Aw, you’ll do fine, Re. There’s no pressure.” Lily reached over to hold his hand, swiping a thumb over his knuckles.

He rolled his eyes, “Have you met my boyfriend? The most attractive person in the school, of course there’s pressure.”

“And what do you think your boyfriend would say if he heard you saying that.” Marlene smiled.

“I’m fucked. Royally fucked.”

~~

As soon as the school bell rang at the end of the day on Friday, Remus and Sirius found each other outside as soon as possible, pushing poor year 7’s out of the way to meet in a loose hug. It was as if they’d forgotten that they’d been in every lesson together, and that they’d sat right next to each other at break and lunch. Every second apart was torture. 

Remus stepped back in favour of taking Sirius’s hand in his, “You ready to go?”

Sirius brought their hands to his lips with a sweet kiss, “Reg told me to pick up something to eat on the way there, he’s not exactly a great chef.”

“You’ve been talking to Regulus,” It came out as more of a question than a statement, to which Sirius nodded encouragingly. He seemed happy for the progress, “Well what do you fancy?”

Sirius bit his lip, “How about a subway? I haven’t been there in years.” It was probably an exaggeration, but Remus couldn’t help but smile.

“Lead the way.”

Before they could make it far however, James came up behind them with a startling shout, “Here that, Pete, we’re going to subway! I’m dying for a club sandwich.”

Sure enough, Peter walked up right beside James, but his face served as a direct contrast to his friend’s oblivious smile. “I don’t think we’re invited, Prongs.”

“What are you on about?” He had thrown an arm around Sirius’s shoulders as a friendly gesture, bounding forward with his chin up until he finally looked down and saw a pair of entwined hands. “Oh my God, this is a couple thing isn’t it? I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” Remus assured, smiling up at both James and Sirius. It wasn’t the first time he’d unknowingly third-wheeled them, multiple times he’d caught them about to sneak off together and tagged along or sat himself right between them on the common room sofa. At first it had been funny, watching his head reel in confusion when they told him what he was doing, but at a certain point it had become frustrating. “But you are correct.”

He felt Sirius tug on his hand slightly, “We’ll see you on Monday, okay?”

“You wound me, Moony.” James placed a hand over his heart playfully but fell back to respect their wishes.

“He wounds your ego,” Sirius jibbed. He seemed quite happy with himself, grinning wildly and squeezing Remus’s hand. Remus squeezed back to contain himself. “See you later, mate.”

“Bye, dickface.”

And with that, they had to take another detour as Sirius tackled James to the ground. Friendship truly is a beautiful thing.

~~

“C’mon, Regulus will probably be wondering what took us so long.” Remus prompted gently. The two approached the door of Sirius’s old house, subway bags in hand as Sirius gradually became more hesitant. Remus couldn’t even begin to imagine what he was going through, the pain that just being there brought back.

“It’s not my fault someone couldn’t make up his mind about his sandwich. I mean, how hard is it to decide if you want it toasted or not.”

He smiled, “It’s a difficult decision! Throws off the whole thing.”

“Sure it does,” Sirius snorted, waving Remus off dismissively. He stopped them as they came to stand right outside the door, taking in a breath and squeezing his eyes shut. The ministrations on his face told Remus everything he needed to know, so he turned to cup Sirius face in his hands.

“It’s going to be okay, Pads,” He assured. “He wants you to be here, he’s the one who invited you, remember. It’s just us and your brother.”

“I know, I know.” He pressed his face further against the warm hands, relishing in it. “It’s just weird to be here and feel so… happy.”

First, they kissed quickly and simply, but as they pulled apart Sirius chased Remus’s mouth for a much longer and deeper kiss. He kissed him like he was a dying man, as if Remus would somehow save him from his inevitable fate. They were so lost in each other that they only barely noticed as the door was swung open by the youngest Black brother, startling them back to reality.

Regulus stayed in the doorway, eyes flicking between them in equal surprise. It occurred to Remus that he probably wasn’t aware of their relationship, considering everything they did at school could be passed off as banter. “I didn’t know you were inviting friends.”

“It’s just Remus,” Sirius said harshly, walking past Regulus and into the hallway, gesturing for Remus to follow him, “And in case it wasn’t clear, he’s not exactly a friend.”

Remus couldn’t help but blush fiercely at the statement, and then at Regulus’s intense stare that followed. After a few moments of silence, just eyeing each other curiously, Remus cleared his throat and followed his boyfriend. The first thing he noticed was the sheer size and expense the house had, all grand spaces and luxurious furniture. There was a cupboard on the back wall showcasing various pieces of china, fragile enough to break at a single touch. Remus suddenly felt very out of place in a faded red school leavers hoodie and his dad’s old jeans, kicking off his mud-covered trainers and discarding them neatly.

He watched intently as Sirius fell down onto a pure white sofa, legs lined with gold embroidery, and opened the bag of food, “I got you tuna, if that’s alright Reg. You used to love it.”

“Mum wouldn’t like us eating on the sofa.” Regulus warned. Despite the words being cold it was said with all the warmth he could muster; even a small smile accompanied it.

“Should’ve thought of that before you invited me,” Sirius folded his legs and took a sandwich out of the bag to give to Regulus, and then another one for Remus. Then Regulus didn’t even hesitate to sit himself on a chair opposite the couple, a similar perfectly kept colour and texture. “Want some crisps?”

“No way I’m eating your cheese and onion monstrosities,” Regulus said with disgust.

Sirius sighed, shoving the bag towards Remus to offer him the same, “For the last time, cheese and onion is the best flavour! What do you prefer, ready salted?” He teased.

“Actually, yes I do.”

Groaning dramatically and laying his head back onto the sofa, Sirius reached around for the TV remote. Remus looked curiously up at where he was pointing it, what seemed to be a blank wall decorated with only lavish paintings and one bland family photo from years ago, when a large square lit up with an episode of Friends. Of course. 

“Seriously? This is what you’ve been watching without me?” Sirius said with shock and disgust.

Regulus took a bite out of his sandwich, “It’s mum and dad, not me. Turn it over if you’re that bothered.”

“Nah, Remus loves this show.”

Remus looked up at the mention of his name, curls bouncing, “What? No I don’t!” Sirius just smiled giddily at him, turning the volume up and settling back onto the couch. A blanket that was thrown across the arm was thrown across both of their laps, enclosing them in warmth as they joked quietly with Regulus. One of Sirius’s hands found Remus’s underneath it, a silent show of gratitude and thanks.

“So, Reg, what’s your excuse for the Halloween party?” Sirius spoke after a few moments of silence. 

Regulus paled a little, thin fingers tightening around the arm of his chair. Remus expected some sort of explosion, emotion pouring out of the boy like a violent foundation of pent up anger against his brother. Instead however, Regulus let out a long breath, unwinding his fingers and curling the corners of his mouth up, “Pardon me for not wanting to spend my Halloween with my brother and his idiot friends.”

“I’ll have you know that we are extremely cool,” Sirius raised his chin in defiance. 

Regulus snorted, “If by cool you mean thoroughly stupid, then you are correct.”

“Prick.”

“Dickhead.”

“Gimp.”

Listening to them tease each other, Remus was reminded starkly of Sirius and James, arguing and wrestling like all brothers do. Sirius and James had always acted more like brothers than the biological pair, from the first time Remus had met them, but it wasn’t too bad of a change. _I’m happy for him._

~~

If Remus felt out of place in the living room, he certainly felt the same as he stepped into Sirius’s bedroom. Large bookcases loomed over him from one of the walls, filled with all the literature he’d ever wanted and a few stray comic books. However, that was where the small touch of personality seemed to end as his eyes shifted to the king-sized bed pushed against the wall, draped in silk sheets and a golden throw. Remus couldn’t help but let out a soft gasp as he looked on.

Sirius laughed slightly, “It’s not as fancy as it looks, I promise.”

“Shit, this whole house is…” He trailed off, searching for but not quite finding the words to express what he thought.

“I hate it here,” Sirius admitted, sitting down on his bed gingerly. “I hate this house, I hate being here, I hate thinking about it.”

Remus sat beside him, tangling their legs together and placing his hand on top of Sirius’s, “You don’t have to do it alone, you know. I’m here, and Regulus, and everyone else.”

“I know,” He said, threading their fingers together. His eyes were sad, contradicted by the smile spreading on his face. Remus thought the dimples on his cheeks were impossibly cute. “Thank you, by the way. I don’t think I said that before. Thank you.”

“No place I’d rather be, love.” Remus said honestly, his hand drawing circles on Sirius’s jaw. When they kissed, it was gentle and kind and tender with all the care they could give one another. Sirius almost sighed as he felt a familiar nip of teeth on his bottom lip, falling back onto the bed under the weight of his boyfriend’s mouth. What was at first slow and quiet gradually became more heated, passionate with want and teenage hormones. He straddled Remus’s hips, strands of hair falling into his eyes causing them both to laugh slightly.

Remus blinked up at the ceiling as Sirius moved down to his neck, peppering kisses over his cheeks and jaw on his way. Hands threaded through each other’s hair, breathing deeply and melodically, the two fitted together like two pieces of a perfect puzzle, moulded like clay. Neither were particularly religious, not necessarily believing in greater powers but somehow it was as if they were always meant to be together. Remus opened his eyes, “Wait, wait, Sirius, _fuck_ , we need to talk about this.”

“You didn’t want to do much talking a few minutes ago, did you?” He punctuated it with a heavy kiss to his neck.

“Sirius.” 

He giggled, fucking giggled, “I know, I’m sorry.” Sirius pressed a kiss to his jaw once more, before leaning back to look Remus in the face, his thumbs drawing circles on his hip. “Go on.”

Remus licked his lips timidly, his own hands joining behind Sirius’s head. He let out a shaky laugh, “Regulus is just down the hall, you know.”

“It’s a big house,” Sirius said, his signature smirk showing itself on his face. “Thick walls, he probably can’t hear a thing.”

“Is that so?” They just looked at each other for a few moments, before Remus put a steadying hand on his boyfriends’ thighs to flip them over. Sirius almost groaned as their mouths met again, tongues swirling and hands exploring. His hands rode up beneath Remus’s hoodie, resting on the back skin beneath it as he tilted his head to give him more access to his mouth. Remus pushed a knee between his legs and to his crotch, earning himself another pleased noise.

“Are you sure you want to do this? I know it’s a big deal, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Sirius said as he pushed a hand through Remus’s hair. He said it with authenticity, genuine care dripping from the tone. 

“Yeah, I do,” Remus breathed. “What about you?”

Sirius tore his mouth away from where it had been stuck pressed against Remus’s, sitting up slightly so that the tawny-haired boy sat between his knees. “I really do hate this house. There’s just too many memories, bad memories and no matter how nice Regulus is I can’t be here without thinking about it, you know?” Remus nodded along sadly as he spoke, “But maybe if I make new memories, happy memories, I won’t have to think about that anymore.”

“But that shouldn’t be the only reason you chose to have sex. I don’t want you to feel like you have to,” Remus reasoned.

“But that’s the thing, I do really want to. I really care about you, Re, I don’t think I’ve ever cared about someone like this. Prongs and Wormtail are great and all but you’re… you. I can’t even describe it. You’re dead fit, too. That helps.” Remus rolled his eyes and barked a laugh. 

Sirius continued, laughing along with him, “What I’m trying to say is, I want you to be my first. I-, I love you. I love you.”

Remus bit his lip to subdue his overwhelming happiness, tears threatening to spill, “I love you too. Fuck, I love you so much.” They said it twice because neither could believe just how lucky they’d gotten, because it didn’t feel real enough to say and move on. 

When it was over, they lay exposed in the evening sun flitting in from the window to bask in the afterglow. Sirius’s chest heaved, “I officially declare that your cock is a masterpiece.”

Remus laughed loudly, “Shut up.”

“Absolute masterpiece, if James only knew! If he ever calls you innocent again-“

“Stop talking or I’ll make you.” Remus growled playfully, running his hands along Sirius’s sides.

He leaned into the touch, “Is that a threat or a promise?”


	10. Chapter 10

Sirius watched amusedly as James ran a hopeless hand through his already messy hair, groaning and mumbling curses under his breath. It seemed more genuine then he expected, his façade weakening and revealing the gentle teenage boy underneath. Sirius was probably the only person that could tell this, of course, having known James and his habits for years. A few students ran past them as they stood in an excluded corner of the school field, Remus sat in the shade with a battered book and Peter running from a group of angered year 7 with bags in his hand.

“I can’t do it,” James said, turning back on his heel.

Sirius put an arm out to stop him, pushing at his shoulders so that they faced each other, “Sure you can, Jamie-boy, it’s not like you haven’t done it a million times before.”

“But that was different!” He insisted, his hand coming up to cover his face. “It was never serious, maybe it was for me, but it was always a joke and the end of the day. This is real.”

“Relax mate, you’re only asking Evans to the prom. It’s not rocket science.”

James rolled his eyes, cheeks pinking as he gave Sirius a pointed look, “And anyway, of all of the times I’ve asked her out, how many has she said yes?”

Sirius barked a laugh, throwing a comforting hand over his friend’s shoulders. They both looked over to where Lily was sat with Remus, pointing at the book and explaining something animatedly. Her hair appeared strawberry blonde in the cold autumn air, cooler and gradually getting longer after her sister cut her hair over the summer. James had given her compliment after compliment, but she continued to fail to believe him. 

Sirius sighed, “James, listen to me. You’re a good guy, and you two are great friends. All you need is a bit of charm and you’ll win her over, take it from me. She’d have to be stupid to say no to you.”

“I think friends is the key word there, Padfoot.”

“You’re not exactly making it easy to comfort you, you know.” Sirius said, smiling nonetheless. He looked over to the shade of the tree to see Lily now looking back at him, whispering hurriedly to his boyfriend. “And besides, I don’t think I want to stand here and stroke your ego.”

“Fuck off, you could at least pretend to like me.” James gave his friend a rather rude gesture, too wrapped up in it to notice Lily get up from where she was sat, grabbing Remus’s hand to follow her.

Sirius flicked his hair over his shoulder, “Most people would be grateful to have Sirius Black as their friend, don’t take it for granted.”

“I hate you sometimes, Pads.”

“Love you too,” He blew a kiss at James, simply laughing harder as he was cursed out half-heatedly. James threw a punch to his shoulder, making Sirius do the same and before long they’d dissolved into a wrestling match right there on the field. After being pinned to the ground, Sirius shouted, “Get off me! To think Re says I’m the dog in the group.”

“If by ‘dog’ you mean greasy mutt, then he’s not wrong.” James chided, before Sirius pressed a heavy hand to his shoulders and switched their positions. His glasses fell into the grass beside him, dry mud dirtying the lenses as he scrambled to pick them back up again.

Sirius suddenly got off him, patting his chest a little too hardly, “Prongs mate, 3 o’clock.”

“What the hell are you on about?”

“3 o’clock,” Sirius said, loud and fast, thrusting his glasses back into his face messily.

James pushed him back over, “I don’t care what bloody time it is, you prick.”

“James,” A call from a distant head of red hair brought him out of his trance, her face slightly amused and patronising as she looked down at the two dishevelled boys. The boy in question hurried to try to fix his hair and clothes, punching Sirius discreetly in the side. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Of course, my love,” James gave an exaggerated bow, to which Lily rolled her eyes.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Lily muttered, mostly to herself as she threw a glance to Remus. He gave her an encouraging thumbs up, but was now too enthralled with Sirius. She continued, “It’s just-, well, why is this so hard?”

James gave her a soft smile, “What is it, Evans, finally realised how much I have to offer?”

“You know prom’s coming up,” She added quickly, wilfully ignoring him. At the very mention of it he began to cough loudly, doubling over with shock. When none of his friends came to his side, his bottom lip came out in what could only be described as a pout.

He spoke breathlessly, “Are you trying to ask me to prom?”

“Just answer me before I change my mind.” Despite what she was saying, a small smile flickered across her blank face. 

“Of course I’ll go with you,” James said softly, unbelieving. He chanced a look at Remus and Sirius, both biting their lips as they watched the other couple knowingly. Sirius was wearing his signature smirk proudly, next to a Remus who had more of a small, pleased smile. “I promise you won’t regret it.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

As soon as she said it, she turned and walked briskly away from him, leaving a flustered James Potter in her wake. Sirius turned to his boyfriend as she passed them, noting the way she bit her lip like a pre-teen girl, “I reckon they’ll be rather cute once Prongs gets his head out of his arse.”

Remus laughed sarcastically, “Yeah, I can’t wait to spend prom listening to them bicker.”

“It’s not all bad, you’ll have me,” Sirius replied hopefully. “If you want to go with me, that is…”

“You might have to give me a bit of time to consider,” Remus teased, earning a laugh. “Yeah, I’ll go with you. Let’s see how romantic Sirius Black can be, eh?”

“It’s gonna be so romantic you won’t know what hit you!”

~~

As Remus made his way down the empty English corridor alongside Mary and Dorcas, both too enthralled in their own gossip to notice anything out of the ordinary, he couldn’t help but have a strange feeling. He could almost tell that something was going to go wrong sooner or later, an uncomfortable sensation washing over him. He tried to listen to what his friends were saying, but whoever’s life they were speculating was far too complicated to get into at this point. Something about Alice and a guy called Frank, drama aplenty.

Mary shook her head frantically at something Dorcas had said, “I heard Snape had a crush on her, which got Frank really pissy even thought Snape’s way out of her league anyway.”

“Not to mention an asshole.” Dorcas added, leaning in closer so that only Mary and Remus could hear her, “Plus, she wouldn’t do that to Lily.”

“Do what to Lily?” Remus questioned, intrigued by the mention of the red-headed girl.

“Snape and Lily dated for a while along time ago, before he got in with the wrong group of people and started being a bit of a prick, or so she says.” Dorcas explained. Remus hadn’t known Lily for as long as it felt like he had, and hearing that was a stark reminder. Lily and Snape?

Mary continued, “She hates the guy now, obviously, otherwise she wouldn’t have asked Potter to prom.”

“I still can’t believe she did,” Dorcas pushed her hair out of her face, fishing in her pocket for her timetable. “Although I have to say Marlene’s ask was much better, I got flowers and chocolate and everything.”

“Sounds cheesy.” Mary said.

“It sounds cute,” Remus defended, nudging Dorcas’s arm comfortingly. Dorcas and Marlene had always had a strong relationship, one that made people as happy as it made them envious. Even homophobes would have to admit that they were perfect for each other. He turned to Mary, “Are you and Pete going together? 

She smiled, “Yeah, it’ll be good fun.”

As soon as she said it, as if the universe heard it and decided to spite them, Snape appeared from around the corner, a blue bruise forming on his eye as he poked at his bleeding lip. His greasy hair fell into his eyes as he staggered towards the three of them, a small smile serving as a disturbing contrast to the state he was in.

“What the hell happened?” Remus stepped back from him, examining his face. “Are you alright?”

“Ask your boyfriend,” He sneered, the last word spat out with all the bitterness he could muster. Spots of red fell from his lip to his shirt, already beginning to swell.

Remus’s eyes widened, “Sirius did this?” 

“You should put a leash on him, Lupin. I suppose you were smart, dating the school’s attack dog.” Snape tried to push past them, only to be stopped by the girls, noses flared in anger.

“If I were you I’d fuck off back to your friends before that black eye gets even worse.” Mary exclaimed firmly. Dorcas nodded in agreement, glancing at a frozen Remus. Snape looked at him for a moment, studying his face, before bounding in the opposite direction, sure to flip them off as he went. Remus struggled to comprehend what he had said, whether Sirius actually fought and bruised Snape. 

Dorcas brought him out of it, kind smile on her face, “C’mon Re, don’t worry about it. You know he just says stuff like that to piss people off, the gimp.”

“I know, I know,” He brushed her off, looking down at the floor to avoid looking her in the face. “But is it so unbelievable that he’d do that?”

“Surely you of all people know that’s not true,” Dorcas reasoned.

“I love him, I really do, but we all know his temper’s about as short as Peter.” Remus bit at his nails, fingers fiddling. “I need to go talk to him.”

With that, he waved goodbye to Mary and Dorcas, reassuring them that he was alright and that he wouldn’t cause any trouble. When he thought about it, it really wouldn’t be too out of reach for Sirius to do something like that. 

_No, don’t think like that. He’s your boyfriend. Give him the benefit of the doubt._

_He deserves it more than Snape._

~~

“Moony, babe, ‘m not complaining or anything but… why exactly are we in the back of the library?”

“It’s not like that, I just want to talk.”

“If you’re sure,”

Sirius hadn’t put up the slightest of a fight when Remus had dragged his hand away from where he’d been mid-prank with James, even talking excitedly the entire way to the library. Remus vaguely remembered the ghost of hands squeezing his own, voice racing a mile a minute like he was incapable of slowing down. He’d always admired that about the long-haired boy, once he was passionate about something there was no stopping him. 

Remus took his hand between his own, letting out a short breath as he avoided the burning of his eyes, “What happened with Snape?”

“That fucking prick-”

“Sirius,” He started, meeting his eyes with the best sad look he possibly could.

The boy in front of him seemed to calm almost immediately, “Ok, ok, just keep in mind that he is actually a fucking prick, okay?”

“You’re really not helping yourself, you know.” 

“Just hear me out, okay,” After Remus pressed his lips together and nodded, he continued. “Prongs and I were just walking down the corridor minding our own business, and he comes up to us shouting insult after insult. You should have heard him, Re, acting like James had stolen Evans like she was one of his possessions and I was the scum of the Earth for running away from home. You should be proud of me for how long I lasted without punching him. I lost it when he said you were a poof.”

“You’re telling me you made him bleed because he said I was a poof!” Remus had to fight to keep his voice down as his throat threatened to break with the weight of it while Sirius fought to keep their hands together.

The corners of his mouth turned up, “Well, defending your honour and all that.”

“I never asked you to defend my honour,” Remus’s voice had dropped down to a whisper out of pure anger, bubbling just below the surface.

“Thought it came with the whole boyfriend title, really.” His tone was joking, but his face was becoming serious as he studied his boyfriend. They were silent for a few moments, a contrast to the quick temper that had been brewing and that one of them was known for.

Remus pursed his lips, “You can’t just go around punching people, Sirius.”

“Well I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for Snape,” Sirius reasoned, face reddening. He was drawing back, becoming more tentative and hesitant with every second as walls came up around him.

Balling his fists up, Remus started slowly, “He’s got it in for me now, you do know that right? And you too.”

“He hates us anyway, didn’t you hear what he said!”

The change in tone took Remus by surprise, Sirius now out of his chair and running a hand through impossibly perfect hair. He knew it was unfair to be so hostile about it, but he couldn’t help but be frustrated by the boy in front of him. It felt as if he was weak, that he wasn’t able to fight his own battles or stand up for himself and his friends always had to do it for him. He didn’t want to rely on them for every little things, they already do enough for me.

Before he could turn back, or say anything he would regret, he too got up out of his seat and made his way towards the door of the library. He was hearing through cotton as Sirius called out to him, “Re, wait. Let’s talk about this…”

But he was already gone, out of the door and not strong enough to look back. He knew that if he did he would probably break down under the weight of his own self-doubt and hatred, crying and pathetically in his boyfriends’ arms even if he didn’t think he deserved it.

~~

James looked at Sirius from where he was in front of the mirror, tie tangled as if a 5 year old had done it. His outfit was dishevelled and slightly off, especially his infamous hair sticking up at all angles. It was prom night, though as it was it would be a while before they were presentable, “How long until we ask mum for help?”

“We are not asking mum to tie our ties James. We’re 17 for fuck sake.”

“Well what do you suggest then, smart arse,” James sat down gingerly on the bed, throwing a pile of clean clothes to the floor to give himself space.

Sirius bit his lip, tilting his head to the side, “Find a tutorial on YouTube or something, I don’t know.”

James’s eyes widened as if that hadn’t even crossed his mind as he scrolled through his phone with purpose. A few seconds passed when he must have clicked on a suitable video, blasting a kind-sounding woman through the room. They’d been trying to get ready for near enough an hour, every attempt unsuccessful. Formal wear wasn’t exactly their strong suit.

“Have you spoken to Remus yet?” James pressed gently and curiously. He’d been avoiding starting the conversation ever since Sirius had explained what happened in the library, still confused about it himself.

Sirius looked down at his feet, “Not yet.”

“You need to, considering he’ll be at the house in about 5 minutes”

“I know that,” He let out a frustrated sigh, embarrassed at his sudden disposition. “I just… don’t know how. What would I even say?”

“He’s your boyfriend, not mine. You could start by asking him if there’s anything else wrong.” James reasoned sensibly. He picked up a few stray pieces of dirty clothes across the floor and tried to fold them, ultimately failing miserably and throwing them back onto a pile in the corner of the room. “You have to do something, mate, I’m not letting you spend prom being mopey.”

Sirius turned to him with wide eyes and a defensive shout, “I’m not mopey.”

“You absolutely are.”

Sirius gave what could only be described as a pout, before leaving the room to meet Mr and Mrs Potter in the kitchen pacing excitedly with cameras and phones. Mrs Potter wore a simple grey, cable-knitted jumper with a pair of old jeans and her brown hair was pulled back away from her face whilst her husband adorned a sweater vest and maroon trousers: looking at them Sirius could only describe them as the perfect family he’d always wanted and now, 17 years into his life, finally had. 

Mrs Potter smiled brightly as he stalked into the room, “Sirius, honey, you look wonderful! Stay still for a second, let me get a picture.”

“Don’t bother rushing Prongs,” He called out, flashing a blinding smile that he was so famous for. “She’s taking pictures.”

“Bloody hell mum!” James shot back.

She simply waved him off, snapping a few more before gesturing Mr Potter to come over and do the same. They seemed satisfied after about 50 pictures in various poses and lightings, but then became excited again as James came down and joined him. The two were overcame with joy as there was a soft knock at the door. But where they had joy, Sirius had a certain sense of dread as his beautiful boyfriend, one that he hadn’t spoken to since an argument he still didn’t fully understand, crossed over the threshold like an angel over the gates of heaven dressed in a fitted black suit.

_Holy Shit. He’s gorgeous._

Remus gave a small and awkward wave, pausing as he looked at Sirius with a similar sense of amazement, “Hi, hi.”

Before either could express their feeling however, Mrs Potter gave an excited squeal and rushed to fix Sirius’s tie – even though last he’d checked it was absolutely fine – and position the two of them together. “More pictures!”

With an overwhelming urge to do so, Sirius leaned in close to murmur under his breath to his boyfriend, “Re, about the Snape thing…”

“Let’s not talk about it.” Remus insisted, eyes burning straight ahead. Every protest was met with a set jaw and an averted gaze, to Sirius’s frustration. Usually he was the one to encourage fun over talking and emotions and the like, so the sudden switch was not one he welcomed with open arms.

“Mum, we really need to get going,” James reminded her from where his dad was helping him try to tame his hair.

“I just want memories of my boys before they grow up and leave, and that’s not exactly far off now is it?” She gave an unconvincing pout, though it looked more like a motherly smile. Remus noticed the way Sirius lit up at ‘boys’ similarly to how he had at Gregg’s, a true smile etching onto his face and his eyes flashing brown and bright. His heart pulled at the sight.

Sirius bounded forward to give her a loose hug and a kiss on the cheek, and with a final loving gesture, grabbed James by the arm and Remus by the hand and headed out. The walk to school wasn’t too far, but they had to take quite a few detours to the houses of their various friends. Dorcas and Marlene were both already waiting on the drive, leaning heavily onto one another where they stood. Peter lived just across the street from Marlene, with Mary a few houses down again.

James couldn’t keep the schoolboy smirk off his face as they approached Lily’s driveway, which quickly disappeared as the din of argument became louder. There she was, flaming red hair tucked into a low bun and a light blue dress that cascaded down to her ankles. In front of her stood a girl who looked about the same age with scraggy brown hair and a much shorter, baby pink dress, shouting and screaming at Lily: Petunia. Her face contorted and cheeks red with the effort, her words were shrieked and almost unintelligible.

“Fucking greedy prick! Couldn’t have just left me alone for a night?” Petunia shouted, opening her purse and gripping something that could be thrown if her anger worsened. 

Lily groaned, matching her sister’s volume, “I never wanted to ruin your night, not everything is about you.”

“Oh look, you’re boyfriend’s here.” Petunia sneered.

Lily turned around to face the boy in question as fast as humanly possible, her dress flowing in the wind as her face softened slightly. It could have been the sight of James, grinning stupidly with his stupid hair and stupid tux, or the sight of her best friend also grinning stupidly as he gripped his boyfriend’s hand tightly. 

Lily turned back to her sister with a fake, toothy grin, “I guess I’ll leave you to it, bitch.”

Before they could get caught up in Petunia’s piercing protests, Lily grabbed the three boys by the hands and pulled them away in the direction of the school building, not daring to look back. James opening his mouth to ask about it, but she only pressed a hand over his mouth – much to his delight. He would do anything she asked of him.

“Someone’s salty,” Sirius remarked, earning a warning glare from Remus.

The corner of Lily’s mouth turned up, “She’s always like that, I should probably be used to it by now.”

Marlene and Dorcas started talking excitedly to the pair as Mary and Peter became lost in their own conversation, leaving Sirius and Remus alone with their silence. Sirius too lost himself in it for a few moments, swinging back and forth between ideas of what to say and what to do. After a long and slightly awkward pause, he brought their joined hands up and pressed a kiss to the back of his boyfriend’s palm, “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“I’m an idiot,” Sirius started earnestly. He didn’t know exactly what he was expecting, shallow denial would have felt false but bluntness would be equally as strange.

Remus met his eyes, “I’m aware.” _Maybe bluntness is worse._

“…And I know that Snape isn’t the only thing that’s worrying you.” Remus tore his eyes away at the mention of it, leaving Sirius to continue, “Tell me what’s wrong, love.”

The words were softer and more gentle than everything the daredevil had ever said. Remus felt his own words spilling out as if he couldn’t help them, a waterfall of insecurity, “I just… I can’t stand when everyone feels like they have to stand up for me, or that they have to defend me or something. I know that everyone only means the best but it makes me feel fucking weak and I-” He groaned in frustration.

“‘m sorry Re, I had no idea.” They were stood frozen, right in the middle of the street, eyes locked together. Leaning forward to cup Remus’ face between his hands, Sirius pressed a burst of kisses to his cheeks and jaw, making both of their hearts pull. Before he could envelope his boyfriend in a tight hug however, a whistle could be heard from just ahead of them. 

“C’mon lovebirds, we don’t have all day!”

“Fuck off James.” They responded in unison.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for taking the time to read this, I can tell it's going to be fun to write. it'll probably end up being 10-15 chapters, but i'll try my best to keep the updates regular.


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